


emotional motion sickness

by wednesdayaddxms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Explicit Language, F/M, OC centric, Post-Endgame, Romance, Spies & Secret Agents, mc is a spy, so are all her friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28114503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdayaddxms/pseuds/wednesdayaddxms
Summary: Helmut Zemo has escaped. An old acquaintance of Sam's joins their little ragtag duo to bring him in and ends up getting in over her head when she becomes close with Bucky. Now she's beginning to question who she's become over the course of her spying career and what she's known for years. Unsure where the mission will land her, Ana Petrov has no choice but to continue on and see to it that Zemo is detained once more, no matter what it costs her.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 10





	1. No Hero, After All

_ “There is very little left of me and it's never coming back." -The Front Bottoms, Be Nice to Me _

* * *

Ana Petrov was leaning against the bar at the Blue Velvet, sipping on a gin and tonic. Her laser focused green gaze was roving over the crowd until she spotted her mark on the other end of the bar. She tossed her a coy grin and a wink before looking back towards the crowd. The other woman started to make her way down the bar. Success.

Ana and her mark made conversation for quite a while as other patrons came and went. Soon the hour had grown late and the DJ was playing the last set of the night. Ana wound her fingers around her mark’s wrist and they started towards the back door of the club. The woman was eager to follow.

The alley they entered was dark and smelled of cigarettes. The night was misty and relatively cool, bringing a wave of chill over Ana’s exposed shoulders. The woman leaned closer to Ana. The scent of alcohol on her was thick but Ana didn’t mind; she had other things on her mind.

Ana slammed the woman against the wall and growled into her ear, “Where’s the flash drive?”

“Fuck,” the other woman groaned unpleasantly. When she gave no other response, Ana sighed. She gripped her throat and yanked her forwards before slamming her back up against the wall. Her head hit the bricks and she yelped.

Then the real fighting started. Ana kicked off her heels to make things easier but she knew that as she lashed out with blow after blow, her kicks were packing less of a punch; it would hurt a lot more to get hit in the face by a stiletto after all.

Eventually, Ana’s feet got swept out from underneath her and she hit the ground. The other woman knelt on top of her and knotted her hand in Ana’s short brown hair before raising her fist to deliver a punch. Turning her head, her scalp screaming in pain, she bit down hard on the woman’s forearm.

With a shout, the woman let her go and clutched at her now bloody arm. Staunchly ignoring the blood in her mouth, Ana shoved her off and rolled over so she was pinning her to the ground. Three swift blows to the jaw and the woman was out like a light.

A quick frisk of the woman revealed the flash drive hidden in the lining of the hem on her skirt. Ana stood up, victorious, and commenced the search for her heels. Now that her attention wasn’t focused on the fight anymore, she sensed that someone was at the mouth of the alley, watching her.

“I thought your spying days were done,” he called.

“Well,” Ana grunted as she found her heels and straightened up, “We all gotta make a living.” He chuckled as she approached, his face becoming clearer as she got closer. Ana’s intelligent green eyes roved over them and she broke out into a smile as she reached him.

“It’s good to see you, Ana.”

“You too, Sam.” After not seeing him for so long, she had the bizarre urge to reach out and give her old colleague a hug. Refraining, Ana looked down to where something glinted and caught her eye. “That’s new,” she remarked. Sam hefted the shield emblazoned with a star.

“There’s a lot that’s new. Speaking of which, can I buy you dinner? There’s something we need to discuss.”

“There’s always something, isn’t there?” Ana sighed. Sam slowly nodded but didn’t let his easy smile slip from his face. “Alright, lead the way.”

“You just gonna leave her there?” Sam asked, gesturing to the unconscious woman lying in the alley. Ana groaned and rolled her eyes. Just as she was about to venture back into the alley to pick the woman up, the door that led to the interior of the club opened and three people stumbled out. She heard their gasps and calls for one of them to get the club security.

“I think she’ll be fine,” Ana said.

“Always letting others clean up your mess,” Sam said with a smirk. Ana chuckled at that. Almost as if on cue, her stomach growled. “Alright, come on, pretty lady. Let’s get dinner.”

\---

As the two of them settled into their booth at the 24 hour diner, the hostess looked them up and down before hesitantly saying she’d send over their server. Sam let the shield sit next to him in the booth and Ana couldn’t help but gaze at it. It was practically the stuff of legends after all.

“How’ve you been?” Sam asked as he grabbed the menu from the little stand by their window.

“About as good as I can be,” she said with a smirk. “And you?”

“Good,” he replied. They fell silent after that. They weren’t here to catch up after all. He had a mission for her. Their server, a wide-eyed teenage boy, quickly came to take their drink orders before scurrying off. She chuckled lightly at that. Sam was still all geared up and Ana looked tousled at best from her fight in the alley; they must’ve been quite the pair.

“So what’s the deal? Five years of radio silence and now you want my help?” Ana asked as she peered at him over her menu. Sam sighed and set the menu down.

“I was dusted. In the… in the snap,” he said. “So I wasn’t exactly in the best spot to ask for your help. I doubt it was a battle you wanted to fight anyways.”

“I’m not a hero,” Ana said dryly. Sam quirked an eyebrow, grinning without it reaching his eyes.

“I have no doubt you’ve heard about what happened to the Avengers a few years before all that shit though,” he replied.

“Yeah. They broke up like The Eagles,” Ana chuckled as their server dropped their drinks off. They gave him their orders and he walked off once more, casting several glances over his shoulder.

“Well, they broke up because of a guy named Zemo. We put him in prison but-”

“Now he’s out?”

“He vanished. Just yesterday. I’d like to bring you on to help us.” Ana tilted her head. She hadn’t known that there was a superhero coalition to work with. She took a sip of her scalding coffee and grimaced before dabbing at her mouth with her napkin. It came away slightly stained with her wine colored lipstick.

“Who’s ‘us?’” Ana stated.

“Me and a friend.” Ana sighed; he was being secretive for some damn reason. She couldn’t deny their history together though. She couldn’t remember a time that Sam let her down.

“Fine. I just have to get back home and change and I’ll be over at your place?” she offered. Sam raised his eyebrows and gave her a good, honest grin.

“You can sleep, you know.” Ana grinned at that. For a moment, she wished that they were actually just at this diner to catch up and talk. As their server returned with their food, Sam pulled out a flash drive from one of his pockets and passed it over. She turned it over in her hands, scrutinizing it if only to differentiate it from the one that was still sitting next to her on the table.

“By the way, what’s that about?” Sam asked as he shoved a bite of pancake into his mouth. Ana’s grin turned into a coy smirk.

“That’s proprietary information.”

“It always is, isn’t it?” Ana nodded. She looked down at her eggs and hashbrowns. Suddenly, she wasn’t hungry anymore. It always was, after all.

\---

The flash drive she’d retrieved from Sam turned out to hold every piece of information they had on Helmut Zemo. Known associates, former comrades, every relative, previous whereabouts. It was a hefty file.

Ana sat perched on her couch with her laptop on the coffee table, towel drying her hair as she scrolled through the various documents. Zemo was a smart man; there was no denying that. A part of her even admired him a little for everything he had accomplished. It was no easy feat to break apart the Avengers, after all.

She whiled away an hour or two absorbing all the information before noticing the late hour. Ana closed her laptop and left it on the table but removed the flash drive and hid it away in her bag that she was taking over to Sam’s. She fell into her bed, having already dressed in her pajamas after her shower, and fell asleep almost as soon as she hit the pillow.

Not even five hours later, the screeching of her alarm jolted her out of her sleep. Ana stretched and groaned before rolling over to check her phone. A few texts from an unknown number gave her an address and told her to sleep well. How Sam got her phone number, she couldn’t say although he probably had a file on her as well, just as extensive as Zemo’s.

She quickly dressed and ate breakfast, practically racing out the door of her apartment and to her car. It was a black, ordinary thing which was exactly the point. Ana did as much to stay under the radar as possible. While being a spy and assassin in the public’s eye worked well for Natasha Romanoff, it wouldn’t work so well for her.

Plugging the address into her phone, she realized that Sam lived about forty minutes away from her, all the way out in the suburbs. Her drive was uneventful as she listened to some music, tapping her fingers on her steering wheel, humming along softly to the latest pop hit. 

The house she pulled up to was nondescript while still being nice. There were two cars in the driveway already so she pulled up to the curb, hoping that the neighbors didn’t have any strange rules about parking on the street.

As Ana exited her car, shouldering her bag, the front door of the house opened. Sam was leaning against the doorframe in normal clothes. He actually looked like he had just finished a jog, sweat glistening on his dark skin.

“Welcome in,” he stated as she walked up the porch steps.

“I’m assuming your friend is already here?” she asked while Sam closed the door and locked it behind her.

“Come meet him. Hey, Frosty! Be nice!” he called as he led her into the kitchen.

“I’m always nice,” someone grumbled. Ana grinned and chuckled. She had missed the easy bantering skills that Sam always carried around with him.

They rounded the corner into the kitchen which smelled distinctly of citrus and coffee. A man was leaning against the counter wearing workout clothes similar to Sam’s. He set down his mug of coffee and walked over to greet Ana. He needed no introduction, however. He’d been in the news plenty several years ago.

“Bucky Barnes,” he introduced, holding out his hand. Ana reached out and gave him a firm handshake.

“Ana Petrov.” He grinned at her although the grin didn’t reach his eyes. From what Ana remembered and had read about the whole situation surrounding the breakup of the Avengers, it made sense that Bucky was tense and eager to get everything over with. This must feel like a bad rerun of that period in his life.

“Where are we on finding Zemo?” Ana asked, getting down to business. Sam pulled out a stool that was on the other side of the kitchen island and plopped down. He gestured to the coffee pot that was half full and still steaming beside the stove. Ana gratefully nodded and started towards it, only to realize that she didn’t know where the mugs were.

“We’ve talked to some contacts in the CIA who were in charge of keeping Zemo locked up,” Sam started. As he spoke, Bucky reached into a cabinet, pulled out a mug, and handed it to her. She nodded and grinned before pouring herself a generous amount of coffee.

“If they’re the ones who were watching him, are we sure we can trust them?” Ana asked before she took a sip.

“Why do you ask?” Bucky asked. His voice was low and gravelly and pleasant to listen to. Ana shrugged before continuing.

“If Zemo was locked up with such high security, someone on the inside helped him get out. Was there any crossover between anyone Zemo knows or used to know and government operatives in Berlin?” Sam shook his head.

“We looked there. How he got out is a mystery but we have some inclination of where he’s going.”

“And that would be?”

“Corning, New York. There’s a gala where several of his previous associates are going to be. We think he’ll be trying to make contact with one of them there,” Bucky stated. Ana nodded and took another sip of coffee.

“So we’re going in and-”

“Whoa, there,” Sam chuckled, putting a hand up. Ana sighed and raised an eyebrow at being interrupted. “Who’s we?”

“No. I’m not going in alone,” she immediately protested. Her and Sam began talking over each other while Bucky looked on with barely concealed amusement. Ana finally set down her mug and placed her elbows on the granite countertop.

“Hey, why do you think I wanted to bring you on in the first place?”

“Not so I could play bait!” she cried. Sam laughed which only served to annoy Ana further.

“Oh, come on, Ana,” Sam chuckled. Ana hung her head in defeat. This is exactly why she didn’t work with other people.

“I don’t even have any dresses for a gala,” she stated.

“That’s okay. I know a few ladies who do,” Sam replied, standing up and snatching his phone off the counter. He strolled into the other room and the distant sound of his talking floated into the kitchen although the words were unintelligible. 

Ana sighed and took another sip of coffee. This time, she couldn’t hold back her grimace. It was terrible.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Bucky asked from beside her. She straightened up and looked at him. His grin this time was genuine if hesitant. She felt herself smile in return.

“It is,” she agreed.

“I don’t know what he does to it but he’s never been good at making coffee,” Bucky replied as he surreptitiously dumped his mug into the sink. Ana followed suit, briefly making eye contact with Bucky once more. Something about his presence was both electric and steady at the same time. He was handsome too. When all this was over, she wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

Mentally, Ana shook herself. Just because it had been a while since she’d gotten some action didn’t mean that she needed to pounce on the first handsome stranger she met. With a soft chuckle, she leaned against the counter.

“How long do you think this is gonna take?” Ana asked Bucky who was checking something on his phone.

“Hopefully not long,” he answered as he placed his phone on the counter. Ana followed the movement with her eyes, her gaze carefully trained on his metal arm. It was certainly something else. She wondered just how much brute force and power was behind it.

She looked back up at Bucky’s face which had gone carefully blank. Realizing that she had been staring longer than was considered appropriate, Ana’s gaze flitted away.

“Thanks for bringing me on. I’ve been hoping to pay back Sam’s favor one day,” Ana said lightly as though the atmosphere between them wasn’t tense and awkward at all.

“No problem,” Bucky said shortly before turning and following where Sam had gone. Ana sighed softly.

“Way to go,” she mumbled to herself. Sam reentered the kitchen, his phone in hand, alone. He gestured behind him with a furrowed brow.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Ana answered honestly. Sam huffed a sigh and placed his hands on his hips, his teasing demeanor gone.

“I know that teamwork’s not your strong suit but this isn’t a solo operation. You’re part of an ‘us’ now,” he said sternly as though she was a student being reprimanded by a teacher. Ana rolled her eyes.

“You know that I don’t do ‘us’ in any sense of the word,” she said with a shake of her head.

“And you know that you owe me one. So you behave.” Ana’s first instinct was to bite back but she simply raised her hands in surrender. Sam’s expression loosened as he held up his phone and said, “I got you a dress.”

“Yay,” Ana deadpanned.

“On the bright side, it’s totally your color,” Sam said, watching her face carefully for her reaction. She couldn’t help but grin just a little at his joke, some warmth coming back into her chest. She supposed that she could tough out the cold shoulder she was sure to receive from Bucky as long as Sam kept her laughing.

“When is this thing happening anyways?”

\---

Two days later, Ana walked into the gala after showing her invitation. It was a forgery, albeit a brilliant one, getting her through the door without a second look. Her black heels made soft clacks on the hard floor as she followed the signs and other partygoers to the contemporary art wing of the Corning Museum of Glass.

It was a bright, white, modern place with beautiful displays of glasswork. If she wasn’t there on a mission, she might’ve actually enjoyed the museum. As she paused to stare at a hanging sculpture, Sam’s voice crackled to life in her ear.

_ “You’re not here to look at the art,”  _ he quipped.

Both Bucky and Sam were plugged into the video surveillance system to watch her movements and the movements of anyone else of interest. They were parked in Sam’s car out behind the museum, away from the glitz and the glamor of the front entrance.

“Chill out,” Ana grumbled lightly, “I can multitask.” She was keeping a calm, pleasant expression on her face, forcing her red painted lips to turn up in a slight smile as she roamed around the room. She had her hands folded over her black clutch purse in front of her, her fingers gently tapping on the leather.

As she looked around surreptitiously, she noticed that she was sticking out like a sore thumb. Most of the attendees were older, in their 50s and 60s, dressed in muted tones, blacks and grays and navys. 

Ana was by far the youngest there and her dress was a bright red thing, Sam claiming that this was the only one his friend owned. The straps wrapped around her biceps a little too tightly and it hugged her thighs just a tad bit too snuggly. Her promise to return the dress unharmed might have to be broken if Ana were called into action.

_ “Head to the bar,”  _ Sam ordered.  _ “One of Zemo’s old colleagues, a guy named Gerard Toussaint, is over there, chatting up that woman with the pearl necklace.” _

“Ooh, he’s French,” Ana said softly as she moved to the side, eyeing the art, putting a French accent on her words. Something that sounded like a snort or a scoff came over the earpiece. “And let me guess, the woman he’s talking to is Zemo’s ex?”

_ “Ha, ha, your wit is much appreciated. Now just go to the bar,”  _ Sam said drolly in her ear.

“Rule one of spying, you are never in a hurry,” Ana hummed as she stopped again to look at a pyramid of glass. “‘We got any other of Zemo’s friends here?”

_ “A few. But we’re focusing on Toussaint. Out of all of them, Toussaint’s the only one still active in their little community.”  _ Ana resisted the urge to nod as she took that information in.

“What exactly does this guy do?” she murmured.

_ “What doesn’t he do is a better question,”  _ Sam scoffed. Ana noticed that throughout this whole exchange, Bucky had been silent. She wondered just how long things were going to be awkward between them.

“So how’s the weather out there? Still raining? You know, the humidity almost messed up my hair earlier,” Ana quipped as she raised a hand to pat her hair. It was wavy and unruly at the best of times although she’d carefully styled it into as much of a French twist as she could manage.

_ “Ana-”  _ Sam started, clearly exasperated.

“I’m going. Just thought I’d lighten the mood, god.” She turned and began walking to the bar, scanning the people leaning against it. Toussaint was there, black hair with gray streaks and a black suit that stretched over the broad expanse of his shoulders. He was a big dude, Ana noted, already planning ways to take him out should she need to do so.

As her gaze scanned to the right, she hesitated, her feet almost stopping in their tracks. She saw something. Actually, someone. Actually, two someones.

_ “What? What is it?”  _ Sam was quick to ask.

“That woman, there in the yellow dress,” Ana said, still a sizeable distance from the bar that her words went unnoticed.

_ “Who is she?”  _ The voice this time was Bucky’s. Her smile was still calm although her tone had dropped, now exasperated.

“My ex.”

_ “Who’s she talking to?”  _ A gentleman with tousled brown hair and a dapper gray suit.

“My ex.” Ana sighed inwardly. This is why she didn’t date her coworkers anymore. Ana finally stopped at the bar, the yellow dress bright out of the corner of her eye, her target on the opposite side of her. She requested a gin and tonic from the bartender as she set her clutch on the velvet bar.

“Why am I not surprised to see you?” Ana kept her easy smile although now it was tinged with annoyance. She turned to her right and raised her glass to take a sip. The woman standing next to her was a bright spot of color in the otherwise chilly room. A head full of dark curls, lips that were only painted with lip gloss, a strapless yellow dress that hugged her curves perfectly.

“Nice to see you, Veronica,” Ana said, not quite caring that she used her real name instead of whatever alias she used to get into the gala. Veronica slightly narrowed her brown eyes but otherwise didn’t change her expression. “You too, Connor.”

Connor nodded at her before slugging back a gulp of his whiskey. The grin he gave her after setting down his glass, though, was genuine. How someone as nice as Connor ended up in their line of work was beyond her. What was also beyond her was why he was here with Veronica of all people.

Connor usually stayed behind when it came to these things, preferring to stay in his little bubble of techie stuff, while Veronica relished her hands-on work. If she dragged Connor into this, it must’ve been something to do with aforementioned techie stuff. Possibly something with a safe or the money being funneled into the gala or something else altogether. Her mission with Sam and Bucky was probably safe from them for the time being.

“What are you doing here?” Veronica asked with an edge to her voice.

“That’s a good question, one I should be asking you two. Since when do you two work together?” Ana retorted.

“Since I’m getting a pretty good payout,” Connor stated and then, with a nod to Veronica, “And she gets to stick it to some old, rich guys.” Ana nodded and raised her eyebrows. No doubt both of them were going to get a nice payday but Veronica did enjoy a certain amount of justice in her missions.

“That’s fair enough.”

“You still didn’t say why you’re here,” Veronica chimed in.

“No. I didn’t.” Ana’s message was very explicit in her tone. Drop the subject and we can move on nicely. Veronica leaned slightly closer. She still wore the same perfume that she did a couple years ago, Ana noted. Her dark eyes roved over Ana, gathering details and information.

“Who’s in the fake catering van out back?” Veronica asked, not quite making a joke out of it. “Someone pretty important if you’re not telling me who. And, come to think of it, I heard a certain someone escaped prison a week or so ago and-”

“Veronica, I doubt you want to get into this with me. If your suspicions are true, are you sure you want to get involved in this?” Veronica pursed her lips before leaning back. Ana nodded. Typical; she was never one to go above her paygrade.

_ “Detour’s over, Ana,”  _ Sam’s voice said.

Ana picked up her drink and her clutch, grinned, and began walking away when she noticed a man with graying hair, dabbing at his forehead which was beaded with sweat, coming directly at her. She pretended to take a sip of her drink just as he approached her and knocked into his shoulder.

“So sorry,” she said with an embarrassed chuckle. The man stared at her as though she wasn’t even there before turning and continuing on. Her expression dropped as she started to examine another piece of art. “That man has a gun,” she mumbled. She’d felt the gun in his belt when she ran into him.

_ “He’s probably your little friend’s problem,”  _ Sam stated although he didn’t sound like he believed it much himself. Ana nodded but cast a glance over in the direction of the bar anyways. Veronica and Connor had moved away from it to make conversation with more attendees while the man stood there, sweating bullets.

The bartender asked him what he would like and he answered her in a hushed voice. She nodded half-heartedly before preparing his drink.

“He’s gonna pull something,” Ana warned.

_ “Then let them handle it. This is not our fight.”  _ Ana was frowning as she watched the man’s eyes rake over the crowd and the groups that were scattered throughout the room. He seemingly spotted something. He started towards a group next to an art piece consisting of streaks of color on a single glass pane. That group contained the man Sam had pointed out.

“I think this might end up being a group project,” Ana mumbled as Veronica separated from Connor. He disappeared around a corner without hardly a look over his shoulder.

She briefly made eye contact with Veronica who was now walking quickly to catch up with the man. They nodded at each other, understanding that Veronica was now to take down the man while Ana was to secure Toussaint. All Veronica had to do was get to the guy before he made a fuss.

“Hey!”

Dammit.

The man was quickly approaching the group Toussaint was standing with who all skittered backwards except for him. He simply stood tall, waiting for the man to reach him. Veronica now broke into a run and grabbed the man’s arm just as he pulled the gun out.

Ana strode towards Toussaint, coming at him from his right side, while Veronica and the man struggled several feet in front of him. Right as she was about to put a hand on his shoulder to guide him away from the situation, he tensed up.

A shot was fired off, hitting one of the glass sculptures next to them, sending shards of glass everywhere. Ana flinched and ducked, trying to pull Toussaint with her. He refused to move, instead choosing to shout in French at the other man.

In her left ear, Sam was calling for her to get out of there. She was very tempted to do as much but her gaze drifted over the terrified gala attendees. She imagined what Sam’s face would look like if she walked out of there without so much as a second glance at the bystanders and she sighed.

Change of plans. Ana began to rush the unidentified man in an attempt to help Veronica subdue him. Veronica swept out his legs from underneath him and he hit the marble ground with a heavy thud. Out of his coat pocket, something small and black skittered out and slid a few feet away.

She snatched it up only to realize that it was a cell phone. She flipped it open, eyes flitting over the early 2000s interface. She’d seen these before, both on TV and in real life. Her veins began filling with ice as she looked over at the man who was struggling to break Veronica’s hold on him. 

She strode forwards and asked as calmly as possible, “Where’s the bomb?”

“You don’t understand!” the man cried, tears beginning to fill his eyes. Veronica, now straddling him, grabbed the lapels of his coat and shook him violently.

“Where is it?” she growled. He shook his head firmly. The phone in Ana’s hand began to ring. She stood and turned around to where a crowd of scared, unsure people stood near the entrance to the contemporary wing.

“Get out of here! Go!” she shouted. They all turned but there was no way they’d all make it in time. Ana jumped and tackled Veronica, rolling over and off the man, shielding her head with her arms.

The explosion rocked the room. The far wall, behind where Ana was covering Veronica’s body with her own, crumbled to pieces. A hole spanning up to a few feet shy of the ceiling was opened up and exposing what looked to be an electrical room.

Ana rolled over, coughing and shaking, her ears ringing from the sound. She looked down to see Veronica stirring and sitting up as well. Her hands, when she leaned back on them, stung in a few places from touching the glass from countless works of art that had just been shattered. She quickly yanked her hands back and hissed slightly in pain.

Ever so carefully, she stood and helped Veronica up. The man they were struggling with was unconscious on the floor. 

_ “-na! Ana! Are you okay?” _

“Yeah,” she croaked in response to the incessant shouting in her ear. “I’m fine. I’m gonna… I’m coming out.”

A pause. Then,  _ “Good. EMS is almost here and we don’t need to explain to them what happened.” _ Ana looked around and snorted derisively. Her clutch purse had been blown right next to her exit. As she wobbled over, gaining more and more balance with every step, she ignored Veronica calling her name.

“If you’re gonna be a bitch, can you at least do it to my face?” she shouted, angrily stomping her foot. That finally caused Ana to whip around, her dark hair flying into her face. She swept it away impatiently and fixed Veronica with a glare.

“What? What could you possibly want right now?”

“I want to come with you.”

Ana let out a short bark of a laugh and said, “No.” Veronica began picking her way through the glass, every step causing a crunch to sound throughout the eerily silent room.

“I just risked my life for-”

“No, no, you didn’t. I was the one who tackled you!” Ana said as she snatched up her clutch. Veronica rolled her dark eyes and crossed her arms. Her bare biceps were now scratched and marred from the explosion and the fight leading up to it. Looking down at her legs, Ana frowned. 

At least her ankles had been covered by the booties she’d been wearing. She had at least one good sized gash on her calf that Ana could see, leaving a trail of droplets behind her. Ana supposed she didn’t look much better. As the two stared each other down, she could feel a drop of blood wind its way down her temple. She reached up to wipe it away and sighed.

“Fine. You can be the one to explain to my colleagues why our mission was fucked up,” Ana snapped before turning and walking away without looking to see if Veronica was following. She followed the path that they’d predetermined, rounding corners and slipping through doors marked with signs warning them that they were entering employee only areas, all decked out in gray concrete and exposed piping.

As they came upon the last few corridors, Ana heard sirens beginning to approach. They had to high-tail it out of there if they wanted to escape undetected. Spurred on by that thought, Ana picked up her pace and burst through the final door out into the cool night, inhaling a lungful of clean air.

She stormed up to where Sam and Bucky were standing by the car, Veronica trailing close behind. Both women were scuffed and sooty and a little bloody. 

Ana announced with a huff and a sharp gesture, “Veronica Kelson.” She clambered into the backseat of the car and slammed it shut, waiting for the others to join her. Anger was simmering high in her chest as she felt the wetness from the same injury on her head dripping more blood down her cheek. The three of them exchanged a few hushed words before dispersing. Ana felt someone open the trunk, dig around, and then slam it shut before they all climbed into the car.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Veronica that climbed into the back beside her but Bucky. He reached into the center console of the car and pulled out several napkins, probably from where they had eaten takeout from that night. He held them out to her in his metal hand.

Ana nodded and took them, noticing how he took his hand back a little too quick when Ana’s fingers brushed his. She held the napkins to the cut on her forehead and leaned back against the seat as Sam began to pull away from the museum.

She sighed heavily, gazing out of the window and watched as red and blue lights approached the museum. A pang of guilt went through her. She should’ve done more. Her words from a few days ago rang in her head.

She was no hero, after all.


	2. In For A Penny, In For A Pound

_ “I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you.” -Hozier, Like Real People Do _

* * *

The ride back started off silent, save for when Veronica asked Sam to turn off the AC. Both women were sitting there in short cocktail dresses after all; Ana was just angry and determined to stick it out. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her shoulders practically up to her ears, not quite shivering but not far from it either.

A sudden movement out of the corner of her eye made her look over. Bucky was unbuckling his seatbelt and shrugging out of his jacket. Ana watched with a slightly confused expression. He finally untangled himself from his leather jacket and he held it out wordlessly.

“It’s not gonna bite you,” Bucky said with a half grin. An olive branch. Ana returned the smile and nodded, unbuckling her own seatbelt to slide the jacket on. It was still warm from his body heat and it smelled like pines and something that was uniquely Bucky.

With a deep sigh, Ana tilted her head back against the headrest and stared out the window where the city lights were passing by in bright blurs. They quickly gave way to woods, pines and other various trees that soared high into the night sky, their black boughs silhouettes against the deep gray clouds.

The sign announcing that they were now in Pennsylvania passed by them after only twenty minutes of driving. Ana kept pulling out her phone to determine how much longer they had left and fighting against yawns.

“If it’s cool with you two,” Sam started softly, “This drive is gonna be real boring without music, so I’m gonna turn some on.” Ana nodded and heard Bucky’s soft ‘sure’ as she wondered why he only addressed them. Peering into the front of the car, leaning forwards slightly, she saw that Veronica was fast asleep. Her head was resting on the window, her brown curls going every which way, her mouth slightly agape.

Ana couldn’t help but smile a little bit. It reminded her of several long drives they’d made by themselves after long missions. Ana drove mostly, letting Veronica sleep, avoiding potholes and ruts in the road so as to not wake her girlfriend.

She flopped back against her own seat, thinking that sleep didn’t sound so bad at this junction. The warmth from Bucky’s jacket was seeping deep into her bones and his scent was filling her nose. It was enough to make her eyelids heavy.

“You can rest. We still have about four hours,” Bucky said softly with a glance at his own phone. A quick glance showed Ana that his phone lock screen was a generic picture, probably the preset one the phone came with. His face was briefly illuminated by the screen and the harsh light highlighted his sharp profile.

The light disappeared as Bucky clicked his phone off and placed it on his thigh. Ana nodded slowly and when he looked over at her, she gave her best ‘I’m-not-completely-exhausted’ smile. He nodded at her, his eyes, now dark in the shadow of the backseat, flitting over her face.

They broke eye contact to each stare out their respective windows. Ana felt strangely comfortable in that moment. Sure she’d forgotten how to trust, she found herself trusting in these two more and more. She was utterly confused as to why.

As she shifted to get more comfortable, her gaze flicked over to Bucky a few times. His body language suggested that he was open, his metal hand resting next to his phone on his thigh while his flesh hand was propped underneath his chin as he stared out the window. The slant of his shoulders was relaxed and he didn’t seem to be holding tension anywhere.

Her acceptance of the jacket and his decision to overlook her first indiscretion seemed to put both of them more at ease with each other.

Ana finally looked away from him as she leaned her body against the door and her head against the window. She listened to a female singer’s voice drifting from the speakers, the piano backing soft and gentle. Before she even knew it, her breathing had evened out and she was slumping lower and lower in her seat.

She floated in a sea of darkness, somewhere between sleeping and waking where time was only a faraway concept. Two different male voices talked softly every now and then. Snippets of songs and instruments muted and garbled and only half-understood reached her ears. She felt herself shift positions although it felt as though she wasn’t doing it on purpose.

When the car slowed and turned, Ana felt it and began to stir. Her eyes felt glued shut as she pried them open to see fluorescent lights shining into what used to be her dark bubble on her side of the backseat.

As she straightened up, she was surprised to see that sometime during her nap she’d pulled her feet up onto the seat and curled so that her back was to the door. She sighed and put her feet back on the floor before peering out the window.

They were at a gas station and it seemed to be the only thing on this stretch of road for miles. Darkness yawned out on either side of the Sunoco, uninterrupted by streetlamps or headlights of oncoming cars.

Sam was already outside of the car, leaning against the pump and looking at his phone as the little numbers on the pump soared up. Bucky was pulling on a pair of leather gloves when he caught Ana blearily staring at him.

“Morning,” he joked with a grin. Ana groaned back as she stretched her arms and arched her back as much as she could within the confines of the car. “I’m going inside. Do you want anything?”

“Can I come with?” Ana asked. “I don’t want you to have to pay for my snacks.” Bucky shrugged with a hand on the handle of the door.

“I don’t mind,” he stated. Ana shook her head.

“I’m not a cheap date, trust me,” she quipped. Bucky smiled wider this time and gave a short chuckle. Making him smile stirred something in Ana’s chest, something warm and fuzzy.

“Alright, let’s go.” He jerked his head towards the door before he opened it and slid out. Ana opened her door slightly and wiggled out as she tried to not hit the pump or Sam. The cold, fresh woodsy air hit her in the face and she involuntarily shivered. Her exhales appeared in front of her as a mist.

“What’s up, Sleeping Beauty?” Sam asked. Ana sighed and rolled her eyes before wagging a finger in his direction.

“Hey, at least I don’t snore,” she pointed out. Sam chuckled, his dark gaze flicking between Ana and Bucky who was waiting in front of the car with his hands in his pockets and a calm expression on his face.

“Have fun, you two. Grab me a coffee while you’re in there,” Sam requested.

“Sure,” Ana said as she turned and began to zip up Bucky’s jacket. As she reached him, her heels clacking loudly on the concrete, her fingers stopped in their tracks. Bucky was standing in front of her in a gray long sleeved shirt and jeans. He must’ve been cold and here Ana was, acting as though she owned this jacket that hung comically past her hips and fingertips.

“I’m sorry, Bucky, you’re probably cold,” she said as she started to unzip it. Bucky reached out, his hand hovering just above hers where they had stilled.

“It’s fine. Keep it. For now, at least.” He grinned, his blue eyes kind and friendly. Under the fluorescents of the gas station, they were practically the color of glaciers but with none of the coldness of one. Ana smiled back softly before nodding and zipping it up to her throat. The warmth and the scent were intoxicating.

They stepped into the convenience store with Bucky holding the door open for her. Ana sighed as she looked around, heading straight for the chips section, looking behind her to make sure that Bucky was following. He scanned the store as he made his way over to her, not looking down at her until he was satisfied that they were the only ones in there.

“Do you want anything from here?” Ana asked, gesturing to the chips and savory snacks in front of them.

“What are you gonna get?” he asked instead, choosing to look over at her. Ana tapped her finger on her chin for a moment as she thought, weighing the pros and cons of different snacks in her mind. Finally, she reached out and grabbed a bag of Chex Mix.

“The good stuff,” she remarked with a quirked eyebrow.

“I’ve never had it before,” Bucky said as he reached out to examine the bag. She handed it over with her mouth agape.

“Really? It’s so good,” Ana stated. She quickly snapped her mouth shut. Of course he hadn’t had Chex Mix before. He was a brainwashed assassin for 70 years; they didn’t exactly make gas station stops all the time.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Bucky chuckled, “I’ve had a lot of these but, uh… never this one.” He handed the blue bag back to Ana before scanning the racks and grabbing onto a familiar yellow bag.

“Classic,” she stated with a grin, staring at the bright Lay’s logo. They grinned at each other before something caught Bucky’s eye behind her. For a moment, her heart stopped, thinking that he saw a threat. But when she turned, she only saw the slushie machine. When she looked back over at him, he had already looked away.

“Have you had a slushie before?” Ana prodded. Bucky shook his head and cast another glance over at her. A smile with a hint of mischief came over her face. She started towards the machine only to realize that he wasn’t following her.

“Ana, I don’t need one,” he said with a half-hearted chuckle.

“Come on,” she said as she trotted back over and reached for his hand. He practically jerked his hand behind his back, his other hand tightening on his chips. Okay, message received. Ana still stood there just a few steps away and beckoned for him to join her. “They’re pure sugar, they’re awesome!” she goaded.

Bucky’s blue gaze flicked between her and the machine before he nodded. He let her lead the way and she pulled out two medium cups from the holder underneath the machine.

“Do you want blue or red?” she asked, holding one of the cups out to him. 

He took it and asked, “What exactly are the flavors?”

“Blue and red.” Bucky looked between the red and white striped cup and the swirling colors in front of him. He placed his cup under the blue spout and pulled the lever. Ana followed suit and pulled the lever to dispense the red slushie. They put the lids on their drinks and grabbed straws in comfortable silence before walking up to the cash register to check out.

“I got this,” Ana stated as she reached for the pocket of the leather jacket on instinct. She realized after she dug deep into the pocket, her cash was in her clutch which was in the car. Her face turned upwards to Bucky who was grinning knowingly.

“No, you don’t,” he said. Ana sighed and held her hands up in defeat before placing her food down on the cash register so the clerk could check them out. The clerk was maybe twenty with dark eyeshadow and dark lipstick and pins scattered all over the collar of her Sunoco uniform shirt.

One of them caught her eye: a Captain America shield. She couldn’t help the grin that came over her face. As the clerk scanned in their chips and told them the total, she looked at each of them in turn. Her gaze lingered over Bucky’s face as though she recognized him but couldn’t place him. When she looked at Ana, her expression barely changed even though Ana was sure she looked like a mess.

Her hair was falling out of its twist and she still had soot and dirt on her face. She could even feel a bit of dried blood when she reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. The clerk wished them goodnight as they grabbed their things and walked out.

“Could we be a more conspicuous pair?” Ana chuckled as she raised her slushie to her lips to take a sip.

“I think the suspicion is mostly on you,” Bucky pointed out as they reached the car. Sam was already inside and the car was idling. Ana could see through the windshield that Veronica was now awake and chatting with Sam.

“How’s that slushie?” Ana asked, watching out of the corner of her eye as Bucky took a small sip. He nodded and chuckled.

“Sweet. But good.”

“Good.” Ana felt more at ease with Bucky than she’d felt with anyone in a long time. She remembered that feeling in the car too. The more she thought on it, the more it felt like she was just on a roadtrip with her friends rather than coming back from a mission.

As they hopped into the car, Sam immediately asked, “Where’s my coffee?” Ana scooted into the middle and leaned forwards between the front seats, holding her slushie out.

“Can I offer you a bit of slushie instead?”

“No,” Sam said, causing both Veronica and Ana to laugh. She leaned back and scooted back over to her side, not realizing that she had actually been very close to Bucky. It had caused him to tense up and when Ana was safely back on her side of the backseat, that tension began to flow out of him.

She watched as Bucky placed the slushie between his knees and tugged off his leather gloves. His metal hand shined brightly under the lights coming through the window but the glare disappeared as Sam pulled back onto the road and into darkness.

“We have about two more hours,” Veronica said as she looked at the map on her phone. She quickly clicked it off, plunging them into blackness once more.

“So…” Ana started, “Anyone wanna play I Spy?”

\---

“As much as I would love to take you guys home, we need to debrief,” Sam stated as he pulled into his driveway next to Bucky’s car. It was a navy hatchback, perfect for hauling things like furniture, luggage, or multiple people.

“Debrief? I didn’t realize that you were the director of SHIELD, Sam,” Veronica quipped as she got out of the car and stretched. It was already past four in the morning as Ana saw when she wearily checked her phone. She hoped the debrief would be quick at least.

They walked inside, into the modern and modest foyer, and Ana headed straight to the couch and flopped down. She kicked her heels off, tossed her clutch onto the coffee table, and stretched out her legs with a slight groan. Exhaustion was beginning to seep into her body after the last two hours of the drive. 

She’d spent that time humming along to songs that Sam played and making idle chat with the others in the car. She played a few games on her phone. Nothing exciting happened and for that she was thankful.

“Alright, let’s get this done fast,” Sam stated, sitting down in an armchair next to the couch Ana was sitting on. Bucky sat in the armchair opposite Sam while Veronica curled up on the other side of the couch. Veronica looked just as tired as Ana was, her eyelids drooping over her dark eyes and her manicured hand covering her mouth as she yawned.

Sam showed them a picture on a tablet he’d taken from the car of the security footage of the gala. It showed the man approaching Toussaint while Veronica and Ana intervened in grayscale.

“You somehow figure out who it is while you were driving?” Ana asked as she planted her feet on the floor and leaned forwards.

“Mitchell Strongholm,” Sam said, pausing the video and swiping to a copy of Strongholm’s ID. He looked much more put together in the ID than when Ana saw him in real life.

“Why’d he go for Toussaint?” Ana asked.

“His family was indirectly killed by an operation our man was running. They were witnesses to something although the file on that was sealed. It was a revenge killing,” Sam finished simply. Ana sighed and leaned back against the fluffy couch. She raised a hand to her temple and turned to face Veronica.

“This has nothing to do with why you were there?” she asked. Veronica shook her head as she stifled another yawn.

“And it has nothing to do with Zemo?” Veronica asked. Ana shrugged, the leather jacket creaking with her movements.

“Guess not. Wrong place, wrong time.”

“That seems to be going around,” Veronica quipped. Ana chuckled lightly before focusing back on the matter at hand. If Strongholm’s attack had nothing to do with either her mission or Veronica’s mission, then it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Their hand had been forced and now Toussaint and his whole network knew that someone was trying to get at him. That network included Zemo.

Not only did Zemo now know that Bucky and Sam were after him, which he probably already suspected, but Ana was now in the game for good. There was no turning back now that she was on his radar. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Drawing herself out of her thoughts, she asked if Sam had anything else to tell them and he shook his head.

“Right now, that’s all we know about tonight. We probably drove Toussaint underground for a while so we’ll have to find a new lead,” he sighed. Bucky gave a small sigh as well. He wasn’t showing it much but Ana could tell he was disappointed. Not in her or Sam or Veronica, but in the situation.

“Alright,” Veronica said, clapping her hands together, “Call me when that new lead pops up.”

“Excuse me?” Ana said, half chuckling. Veronica turned that dazzling gaze on her and shook her head slightly in question. Ana fixed her with a disbelieving look. Veronica? Wanting to team up again?

“Can I, uh, talk to you real quick?” Veronica asked, jerking her chin towards the kitchen. Ana sighed and rolled her eyes slightly but stood and walked into the kitchen anyways.

The tile was cold underneath her bare feet, sending goosebumps up her legs. She gazed out of the sliding glass door that led to the backyard, into the darkness. For a brief moment, she stared at her own reflection, feeling as though something about it had changed, before she turned to face Veronica. Ana crossed her arms protectively over her chest as Veronica began to speak.

“You don’t want to team up again?” Veronica asked, jumping to what she thought was the heart of the issue.

“No, it’s not that-”

“You don’t want me specifically around?”

“No, I-”

“You worried I’ll get in the way of whatever’s going on with you and Bucky?” Ana kept her cool although her heart skipped a beat in her chest.

“No! Veronica, stop,” she ordered, moving her hand to cut the other woman off. “I am wondering why, all of a sudden, you want to join the good guys.” Veronica laughed in shock.

“The good guys? A former assassin and a spy and an ex-soldier are not  _ good guys, _ ” Veronica said shortly. “You fancy yourself a hero now? You?” Ana looked down at her feet and sighed. She gnawed on her lip, surely messing up her lipstick.

“Being a hero doesn’t sound so bad anymore.” Veronica scoffed.

“Is that supposed to give me the warm fuzzies?” Ana fixed her gaze on the hem of Veronica’s yellow dress, eyeing a spot where the dirt and ash from the explosion had streaked across the previously spotless fabric. Finally making eye contact with Veronica, Ana took a deep breath.

“So what do you want in return for helping us?” she stated. It was better to get this over with now than find out later that she had something she’d been manipulating them for all along.

“Who says I want anything?” Veronica asked, crossing her own arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Me,” Ana said shortly. She seemed to be holding back a smirk as they continued to hold each other’s gaze. All at once, Ana was struck by how familiar this all was. Before they broke up, they’d had their fair share of fights, all of them quiet and well-mannered, but all of them ending up with a staring contest. 

Veronica was a tall woman without heels but with the stilettos on, she was approaching six feet tall. Now that Ana wasn’t wearing her own shoes, she barely came up to Veronica’s chin. Their staring contest felt decidedly unfair from Ana’s vantage point.

“Just like old times, huh?” Veronica said, her expression beginning to soften. Ana shook her head and asked again what she was demanding in return for her help. And Ana couldn’t deny that she would be a big help. Veronica’s connections seemed to never end and she was a fantastic fighter and an even better puzzle solver.

“I can forgive your debt,” Ana offered. Veronica raised both her eyebrows in shock.

_ “Really?”  _ she asked. Ana reluctantly nodded. It was sweet enough to entice Veronica to stay on their team but not detrimental in any real way to Ana other than financially and, as she’d learned over the course of her career, money meant very little other than a means to an end.

“So what do you want in return? What’s the bargain here?” Veronica asked, letting her hands fall as she braced one on the countertop of the kitchen island and leaned on it. She hesitated. All she truly wanted was for Zemo to be caught. But this was a free favor from Veronica which was worth more than gold.

“How about you give me a blank check and I’ll cash it when I need it.” Veronica smirked but nodded.

“Alright. Come on. I’m exhausted. Let’s get out of here,” Veronica said before they could keep their bargaining going. Ana nodded, agreeing with her before walking out to the living room. Sam and Bucky had moved so they were standing in front of the TV and were speaking quietly to each other. They abruptly stopped when the women walked back in and Sam nodded at them.

“You ready to go home?” Sam asked them.

“God, yes,” Ana sighed, letting her shoulders slump. Bucky smiled softly before stepping forwards and grabbing a set of keys off of the side table.

“I can drive you,” he offered. Ana grinned and nodded, finding herself a little less tired at the thought of spending time alone with him.

“And I can drive you,” Sam said as he pointed at Veronica. He gave her a look that thankfully Bucky didn’t see but Ana interpreted as ‘let’s give them some alone time.’ With a scoff in their direction, Ana snatched up her heels and her clutch and marched over to the front door.

“Come on, folks, let’s get a move on,” she called impatiently. Sam grinned at her impishly but gave her an acquiescing nod. She yanked the door open and stepped out into the chilly morning air. It was now almost five which technically counted as morning, Ana thought as she checked the time on her phone. The donut shop next to her apartment complex would be open soon. Maybe she could grab a sweet treat from there before collapsing into bed.

Her feet slapped on the concrete of Sam’s driveway as she made her way over to Bucky’s car and waited for him to unlock it. She turned to watch Sam head past it to his own car, a black Camry, but before he climbed inside, he braced his elbows on top and called to Ana.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Does that technically mean today?” Ana asked. Sam chuckled as Bucky and Veronica rounded the front of the hatchback and paused before climbing into their respective vehicles.

“No. Get some rest. Sleep all day. Eat. You too, Frosty,” Sam said with a nod in Bucky’s direction. Bucky nodded and rolled his eyes.

“I will,  _ boss, _ ” he quipped. His smile showed that he was joking however.

“Night, everyone,” Veronica called before slipping into the Camry. Ana called back over the clack of the doors unlocking and she climbed inside.

Both her and Bucky were quiet as he started up the car and turned on the heater. He asked her for her address and plugged it into his phone, placing it into its holder on the dash. Ana hummed appreciatively.

“I need one of those,” she remarked.

“It’s helpful,” he replied, as he looked over his shoulder to back out of the driveway. She shifted in her seat to get more comfortable. They had another drive that was almost an hour ahead of them after all.

Bucky turned on the radio quietly and let the pop song flow over their comfortable silence. Ana was gazing out of the window, watching the sky lighten ever so gradually, when Bucky broke the silence.

“What did Veronica say to you? You two were in the kitchen for a while,” he said.

“We made a deal.” Bucky glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as they stopped at a red light.

“You don’t sound too happy about it. You give more than you got?” Ana chuckled.

“No. Not at all. I’m forgiving a debt and she gave me a blank check,” she replied. The unspoken question hung in the air between them and Ana hesitated, wondering if she should divulge this much information. Fuck it, she decided, she either trusted this man or she didn’t. She made the choice to trust him.

“We were arrested for second degree robbery in Edinburgh. Veronica escaped custody and didn’t take me with her, leaving me with a bail of fifty grand. American dollars, that is,” Ana explained. Bucky looked over at her with a surprised and confused expression.

“Why were you arrested for second degree robbery?” he asked.

“Because we committed second degree robbery,” Ana chuckled. Bucky laughed along with her but didn’t press for more details. “So I had to bail myself out because I certainly wasn’t going to be stuck in a Scottish jail for any longer than I had to be. She owed me. And I promised her that if she helps us catch Zemo, I’ll let go of the debt.”

“That’s a big debt to just let go of,” Bucky remarked. Ana nodded and sighed.

“Better for him to be caught. I lived for three years without that money, I can live without it now.” Bucky nodded, agreeing with her.

“Well, thanks. I appreciate that. The more heads we have, the better.” Ana kept staring out the windshield, refusing to look at Bucky as they kept conversing. Something about being in the car not even two feet from him felt a little too close for comfort.

“You probably want to get this over with as soon as possible, right?” she asked. He scoffed.

“You could say that,” he grumbled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him glance at her. Briefly, she wondered what he was seeing. A dark haired woman with scuffs and scrapes and soot on her body, curled up in the passenger seat of his car, her eyes barely able to stay open after hours of travel. But did he see more than that? For a moment, she hoped he did.

Ana quickly shook away those thoughts, trying to focus something, anything other than the man sitting next to her. She couldn’t afford distractions. She knew that. She’d been through that with Veronica and Connor already.

“Well, I’m sorry that someone let Zemo out. He seems like a bastard,” Ana remarked, drawing herself out of her reverie. Bucky was quiet for a moment. When Ana glanced over, he seemed to be battling something within himself.

“I…” he started before closing his mouth again. “Do you know why he attacked the Avengers?” She shook her head, feigning ignorance. Of course she knew; she knew all the information Sam had gathered on him from the file he’d given her. She just wanted to see how much Bucky was willing to divulge to her.

“He’s Sokovian. His family was killed when Ultron attacked and he blamed the Avengers for not doing enough. He set out to tear them apart, no matter who he hurt in the process. And he hurt a lot of people.” Ana was silent, wondering where he was going with this. She was looking him up and down although he was refusing to look away from the road. He was tense and he had both hands fisted on the wheel.

“I sense a ‘but’ coming on,” Ana said softly. He nodded.

“But I guess I understand in a way,” he said, equally soft. Ana tilted her head in confusion. How could he possibly understand Zemo? Zemo killed people of his own volition even before he had a family. Then again, so had she. She got the sense that although Bucky was done doing terrible things, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to protect the people he truly cared for. So would she.

“People are certainly not black and white,” she said.

“They certainly aren’t,” Bucky replied, almost talking to himself. The rest of their drive was quiet with soft music flowing over them. Ana leaned her head against the window and let herself drift off into the briefest of naps. The nap was maybe twenty minutes long and she was woken up by the car pulling to a stop in front of her apartment building.

Ana jerked up and shook her head, trying to get rid of the slight dizziness that she was experiencing. With a heavy sigh, she unbuckled her seatbelt and began unzipping Bucky’s jacket. Admittedly, she was loath to part with it. It was comfortable and large and smelled like him. But she needed to leave it, and him, behind.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said with a smile.

“No problem.” His grin was soft and genuine as he reached out to take the jacket back. Ana shifted in her seat and began to open the door when Bucky stopped her with a gentle touch on her bare shoulder. It was the first time they’d touched skin to skin and she found that his touch was sending tingles through her. She wanted to lean into it but his fingertips fell away far too quickly.

“Text me when you get inside, okay?” Bucky’s blue eyes were honest, open, vulnerable, as they flicked over her face. The rational part of Ana’s brain was screaming at her.  _ Too close. He’s too close, you’re getting too close! _

“I can handle myself if Zemo shows up,” Ana quipped, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere that suddenly filled the car. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her breath was beginning to draw short. She needed to get out of the car before she lunged forwards. To kiss him or punch him, she couldn’t tell.

“I know you can. Still…” Bucky said, finally grinning with a hint of sarcasm. A curtain fell behind his eyes, blocking off the vulnerability he had been showing her. Part of Ana breathed a sigh of relief while another part wanted her to reach out and grab that vulnerability and pull it back out into the light. 

“I’ll see you later,” Ana said. He said goodbye in return before she slipped out of the car, into the brisk morning air, and slammed the car door shut. She waved before turning and speedily walking into the building. The few people that were on the street, walking their dogs or taking jogs or walking to work, stared at her as they passed.

God, she needed a shower. Badly.

She dashed through the lobby of the building and made it into the elevator before breathing a sigh of relief. She was so close to falling into bed. All she had to do was get into her apartment, take off her makeup, take a shower, and then she could be met with the sweet, sweet bliss of sleep.

As Ana walked down the hall, taking her keys out of her clutch, she noticed that something was off. Maybe it was how silent the hall was even though Mr. Hanson never stopped playing his TV loud enough to be heard from outside. Maybe it was the fact that it was already almost six in the morning and Dr. Arnold wasn’t saying goodbye to her kids in the doorway of the apartment across from hers despite her never missing a day of work or being late.

Something or someone had interrupted the routine of the apartments next to hers and she didn’t think it was just the landlord cracking down on noise complaints. Her suspicions were confirmed when she reached her apartment and the door was slightly cracked open.

She reached into her clutch and drew out the small ring dagger she’d stashed in it, tense and poised to enter a fight. She slammed the door open and flicked on the light.

Her apartment was a trainwreck. Pictures and decorations were smashed and the couch cushions were tossed around. Her coffee table was upended. Her TV was smashed. She crept further into the apartment and closed the door, scanning the room and leaning into the kitchen to make sure that no one was in there.

The kitchen was also a mess but it was empty. The bedroom, bathroom, and room that she used as an office all proved to be empty and overturned as well. Finally letting her breath out and letting the tension flow out of her body, she walked back into the ruined living room and sighed.

God. Dammit.

With frustration radiating throughout her body, she dug into her clutch once more and pulled out her phone. With a few taps, she was calling a number that she’d saved only a few hours ago.

_ “Are you okay?” _

“Yeah, Bucky, I’m fine. We just… We have a problem.”

With a promise to turn around and be there in less than ten minutes, Bucky hung up after Ana gave him her apartment number. She set her phone on the breakfast bar that looked into the kitchen and began tidying up.

Ana had always taken comfort in her little abode; it had become a place where work wasn’t allowed and she could hide from the ugly realities of her job. Hardly anyone had seen the inside of her apartment and she made that into an opportunity to decorate however she wanted. 

Pictures and polaroids of various scenic locations she’d been used to decorate the wall above the couch. They’d all been torn down and some of them had been meticulously ripped apart. Her bookshelf that stood next to the TV was now bare and all of the books were in a pile on the floor.

She looked at the pile with a heavy heart. There were a few books that her mother had given her when she was little that were now bent and cracked and torn. Old novels and comic collections from her teenage years were among those tossed around and ruined. Not a single one was spared although some were definitely salvageable. She tried to focus on that as she kicked off her heels and knelt to begin picking up books.

A knock sounded at the door and Ana was quick to stand and rush over. Peeking through the peephole, she saw that it was Bucky. When she let him in, his razor sharp gaze roved over the apartment before softening when it reached her.

“I’m really sorry, Ana,” he stated. She let out a shaky sigh and nodded. Her chest was tight. So much of her life had been tainted by her work; she couldn’t even have this one safe space anymore.

“It’s okay. They’re just things,” Ana said hollowly. She headed further into the apartment, showing Bucky all the damage. He pointed out something that she hadn’t previously noticed. Much of the destruction looked worse than it actually was.

Her clothes were taken from her dresser and her closet, strewn about the room, but none of them were actually damaged. The items in her bathroom were in the sink and on top of the toilet and in the bathtub but none of them were open or smashed. In her office, papers were scattered everywhere but it was all just old bills from various appointments and old tax forms.

“I’m supposed to be thankful that they weren’t as mean as they could’ve been?” Ana asked bitterly. Bucky shook his head as he picked up a piece of paper with his metal hand, flipping it over to look at it before setting it back down.

“Not at all. But it means that they weren’t looking for something or trying to hurt you. They were trying to scare you.” Ana chuckled without humor. Trying to scare her. There was very little left in this world that scared her and thugs trying to send a message certainly weren’t on that list.

Ana reached up to smooth her hands over her hair, clasping them together behind her neck. She sighed deeply before letting her hands fall and turning to walk out of her office.

“It’s not going to work,” she remarked. Bucky was quick to follow, his boots making dull thumps on her hardwood floor.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay here. Zemo knows who you are and that you’re working with us,” he stated when Ana stepped into her bathroom and began scooping her makeup out of the sink. She shook droplets of water off a tube of concealer before finally looking at herself in the mirror.

She glanced up at Bucky who was looking down at her with concern. She had to remind herself that he was on her side here. Not everyone was her enemy; there were at least two people in the world who were looking out for her. And one of those people was probably right, she admitted grudgingly.

“Alright. I’ll pack a bag,” she said softly.

“That didn’t take much convincing,” Bucky replied with a half-hearted grin. He was obviously trying to lift her spirits but it wasn’t quite working at the moment.

“No, it didn’t,” Ana remarked. She slipped out of the bathroom, just barely brushing his shoulder as she did so. 

The packing took less than twenty minutes. She stuffed clothes, toiletries, and two pairs of shoes into a duffel bag which she set on her bed before kneeling in front of her dresser. She opened the bottom drawer and wiggled out the false bottom, exposing her stash of money, IDs, and other odds and ends that she would need in case she was ever forced to leave DC behind. Maybe she wasn’t being forced out of the city but she was certainly being forced out of her home.

Ana picked up everything and shoved it all into the bottom of the bag with a heavy sigh. That was the last thing she needed to grab. Everything else could be replaced at a later date.

“You can drop me at the closest Best Western,” Ana said as she shouldered her bag and walked out into the living room where Bucky stood, observing the damage.

“And let you leave a paper trail? Not likely,” Bucky stated with a shake of his head. Ana huffed and let her hands fall helplessly at her sides.

“You got a plan?” Ana asked.

“How about you just spend the day at my apartment and rest? We can find somewhere more secure for you after that,” he proposed. Ana hesitated as she crossed her arms over her chest. She was already growing too close to Bucky. Was the safety of his apartment worth the risk of her feelings developing further? The answer was a no-brainer: yes.

She slowly nodded. Bucky sighed, obviously relieved, and he gestured to her duffel bag.

“You ready?” No. But she would leave anyways.

“Yeah,” Ana said. She tried her best to give a reassuring grin but it probably came out as more of a sad twitch of her lips. Bucky nodded. He probably didn’t quite understand how upset she was or exactly why she was upset but he was willing to ride it out with her.

Ana stepped out into the hall with Bucky and locked her apartment door, not knowing when or if she would return.

The journey to Bucky’s apartment was quiet and uneventful, with Ana driving in her own car behind Bucky’s. The tightness in Ana’s chest loosened ever so slightly the farther they drove away from her home. When they arrived, she was able to breathe without the sharp pain in her lungs.

Bucky showed her to the bathroom so she could finally take a shower and wash the dirt and blood off her skin.

“You can take my bed. I’ll get it set up,” he said softly as he hovered in the doorway, gazing down at her. Ana nodded thankfully.

“Thanks, Bucky,” she said softly. He nodded at her before he opened his mouth to say something. He quickly snapped it shut and exited the bathroom. Ana shut the door with a click and turned the lock.

Despite the barrier between her and Bucky just being a plain wooden door, she felt as though she was suddenly miles away from him. The bathroom was silent, a ringing in her ears becoming prominent. Ana reached over and turned on the shower and let the static fill her mind.

She braced her hands on either side of her sink and took a few deep breaths. Her gaze was stripped raw as she stared into her own green eyes. 

Ana lowered her head, her breaths beginning to hitch. She was finally alone and was now allowing herself a moment. Just a moment. And for the first time in a long time, Ana allowed herself to sit and cry.


	3. Keep Your Friends Close...

_“I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly.” -Richard Siken_

* * *

After a much needed shower and a long, long sleep, Ana woke up swathed in a large white comforter. It was wrapped up around her ears with just her face peeking out. She was perfectly comfortable and, surprisingly, not sore at all when she moved her arms and legs slightly. She tensed up and relaxed, slowly stretching her muscles, basking in the sweet silence of the room. Sunlight was streaming in through the blinds, warming the room and illuminating the beige carpet. 

As Ana sat up, she could hear the sounds of a TV program floating into the room through the closed door. She glanced over to the nightstand and saw that her phone was fully charged and also that it was almost six in the evening. Ana flipped the comforter and the sheets off her legs and stood, stretching and popping her back.

She grabbed up her phone and the hoodie she’d discarded by the bed before padding out to the living room. Bucky was reclining on the couch, his phone in his right hand and the remote in his metal hand. He looked up when she entered the room and grinned.

“Morning,” he said. Ana blearily blinked at him before nodding.

“Hey,” she greeted, her voice still gravelly from sleep. Bucky set the remote down and tucked his phone in his pocket as he stood. He had also showered and changed and presumably slept. He was now wearing a plain blue t-shirt and dark jeans. Admittedly, the clothes were plain but the shirt brought out the icy blue in his eyes which Ana spent a little too much time admiring.

“You hungry?” he asked, bringing her out of her reverie.

“Starving.” He smiled and started towards the kitchen. Ana had seen almost every room in the apartment but she hadn’t been in the kitchen yet. It was modern and modest and pretty small compared to the rest of the apartment. She spotted a Keurig in the corner between the stove and the sink. A small container of Keurig pods sat next to it with a variety of colors, presumably all different flavors.

“What are you hungry for?” Bucky asked as he opened the fridge and peered inside. Ana considered, walking over to look with him. He had meat, eggs, vegetables, cold cuts. It was a surprising variety and she couldn’t really bring herself to decide on one thing.

“How about breakfast for dinner?” she asked, glancing sideways at him. He nodded and reached out to grab the eggs and into a drawer for a pack of bacon.

“Good idea.”

“Do you need help?” Ana offered. Bucky was now bustling around the kitchen, bending and straightening and reaching up to get different things from various cabinets. He was obviously at home and comfortable here. He looked at her with a soft smile. He’d begun to smile a lot at her; it warmed her chest every time he did.

“Sure.” Ana fell into a comfortable rhythm next to him as she cracked several eggs into a bowl that Bucky grabbed for her. She added salt and pepper and began to whisk them with a fork she’d found after opening a few drawers. While this was someone else’s kitchen, she still felt natural making breakfast like this. It was almost easy to forget that she was now embroiled in a conflict that had previously had nothing to do with her.

Not that she blamed Bucky or Veronica or even Sam. She blamed herself. This had obviously been a high profile mission that she had no stakes in and she was only taking on as a favor to a friend. And Sam wasn’t even truly a friend. He was an acquaintance.

They’d met when Ana was in her late teens and had run into each other a handful of times after that. Favor after favor after favor was exchanged before they left things on a radio silence with Ana owing Sam one. He’d cashed in. Granted, Sam had been the one to get Ana out of some pretty sticky situations and he’d never let her down. She just hoped this would be one of those cases and she could go back to living in relative anonymity after this was over.

As she poured the eggs into the heated pan, she wondered whether or not she really wanted to go back to her old life. She didn’t know if she wanted to leave Sam and not speak to him for years on end again. She didn’t know if she wanted to leave behind Bucky and this new blossoming friendship.

Ana jerked out of her thoughts when Bucky laid his metal hand on her shoulder. Jumping slightly, she looked up at him as he let his hand quickly fall.

“You okay?” She nodded and looked down to see that she had been standing in front of the stove, not moving.

“Just thinking,” she replied as she moved to the side to allow him to fire up another burner and place a bigger pan on it. He started placing strips of bacon in the pan while glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

“About anything in particular?” Ana hesitated before shaking her head. She raised a hand to smooth over her hair. She felt all her hairs blown out of place and how frizzy her hair had become during her sleep.

“No. Nothing.”

The rest of their evening was spent eating and talking about everything from TV shows to their favorite music to the recent goings on in the news. Bucky was surprisingly easy to talk to, Ana mused. He was also a good listener. The longer they sat on his couch, their plates on the coffee table long forgotten, the more Ana decided that she liked talking to him and the more he opened up.

From the man who’d given her hardly more than a few words and glances upon their first meeting to the man who was explaining a story about an alley fight in the forties, gesticulating wildly, the difference was staggering.

Ana had one arm propped up on the back of the couch, leaning her head against her hand, with what she was sure was a goofy smile on her face.

“...and then Steve just jumps up and starts cussing the guy out so, of course, I have to do more damage control cause this guy is twice his size and- are you listening, Ana?”

Her name sounded so sweet coming from his mouth. She nodded and asked him to continue. He did. Ana never wanted their conversation to stop.

The clock ticked later and later until they were both yawning again. They eventually said goodnight after several long-winded insistences that the other take the bed. They settled on Bucky sleeping in his own room while Ana took the couch. After that night, Sam would be contacting them again and they’d jump back into the mission.

Ana took it upon herself after Bucky had retreated to his room to jump in a little early. She grabbed her duffle bag that he’d brought out to her and dug into it, retrieving her laptop and the flash drive on Zemo.

Last time she’d looked through it, she’d been only lightly perusing it, focusing more on descriptions of behavior and pictures as she tried to get a feel for who he was. Now she was trying to get a feel for where he was going.

A few clicks opened up the software a colleague had made for her years back. It’s purpose was to track credit and debit card purchases so she could triangulate people a little easier. Not expecting much, she typed in the name ‘Helmut Zemo’ and several other names of his associates. Content to let it run in the background, she began poring over the file more in depth.

Zemo was a crafty guy. Not many people were capable of what he had accomplished. The Avengers were the Earth’s mightiest heroes, after all. That being said, Ana didn’t know if Zemo would’ve been successful if the Avengers hadn’t already been tearing themselves apart due to the Accords.

His web of resources was extensive and, worse, he knew how to utilize them. Ana just hoped that her team also knew how to use their resources.

She got up and walked over to the lightswitch, plunging her into darkness save for the light of her laptop screen. She reclined on the couch and pulled the blankets up to her chin as she stared at her laptop. Her eyes were growing heavy and, before she knew it, she was drifting off to sleep.

Right before Ana was pulled down into a deep sleep, a consistent beeping on her laptop woke her up. Her vision blurry and a steady headache starting up, she sat up and blinked away the sleep from her eyes. The hour was half past two in the morning but that wasn’t what was troubling her.

She’d gotten a hit on one of the credit cards she’d entered into her software. Erik Foster. He’d used his card to check into a hotel that was only ten minutes away from Bucky’s apartment. She shrugged the blankets off her body and began typing quickly.

The hotel was a regular old Marriott. The credit card charge matched the price for a room with two queens. Why would one man, unmarried and with no kids, buy a room with two beds unless he was bringing someone along for the ride?

Before waking Bucky though, she wanted to make sure that Zemo was still in contact with Foster, otherwise they’d be wasting their time. Thank god for modern technology, she thought as she reopened the file for Zemo’s associates.

Several of Foster’s phone numbers were in the file. After a few more minutes of typing and amateur hacking, she’d secured a location on one of the phone numbers. It already corroborated what she knew though. Foster was at the Marriott. What she needed were call records from the phone.

“Come on…” she mumbled, gnawing at her thumb, imploring herself to think of something else. She had all the tools at her disposal, she just needed to figure out how to use them. With a heavy sigh, she pulled out her own phone and scrolled through her contacts list.

_“What do you want?”_ She sounded alert. Of course.

“The call log for a phone number,” Ana replied softly, trying to not wake Bucky.

_“Gimme.”_ Ana rattled the number off and listened to the clacking of keys on the other side.

“I need any calls that were from overseas,” Ana stated.

_“Hmm… nothing. Several calls from a blocked number though. And a few from a burner phone.”_

Score. Ana grinned and nodded.

“Thanks. See you when I see you.”

_“I think that’ll be sooner than you think.”_

“Hey, you better not-” The line went dead. Ana leaned back against the couch and sighed, letting her hand fall to her lap. That was going to come back to bite her in the ass. But she now had a concrete lead. Time to gather the team.

\---

Sam, Bucky, and Ana were all parked down the road from the Marriott where Foster was staying. It was nearing the checkout time and their plan was solid. Ana, in black tactical pants and a navy long sleeve shirt, would be the one to approach Foster as he left and get him into another car that Veronica was driving. They’d take him to a safe house and get him to reveal what he knew of Zemo’s plan and where he was staying. 

However, everything went sideways as soon as the clock struck eleven. Instead of Foster stepping out of the hotel and onto the sidewalk, it was Zemo himself, flanked by Foster and someone else that Ana had never seen before.

“Fuck,” Sam sighed. “New plan. Let’s get him.” Without any further instruction, which Ana felt was kind of necessary, Sam opened the door and took his shield with him. Bucky and Ana were quick to follow. As they crossed the busy street, Zemo made eye contact with her.

She was struck for a moment by the calculation there. He was weighing his options, standing stock still as they approached, before he mumbled something to the man on his left. The man dashed down the street while Foster pulled a pistol out of his waistband.

Ana responded by pulling out her own gun and firing off a few shots, not at Foster but at Zemo. When Foster returned fire, she ducked behind a gray sedan sitting in front of the hotel. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she leaned around the end of the car to try and get another shot at them.

People were running and screaming and, for a moment, Ana was worried about the bystanders. Her gaze drifted to where a father was hauling up his child and running away from the fight. That distraction almost killed her.

She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and jerked to her right, barely avoiding the knife that was stabbed down towards her face. The blade was embedded in the metal of the car with a screech. Foster was standing above her, yanking back the knife and going in for another stab.

Ana raised her arm to block the stab and used her other hand to punch him in the face. He jerked back and Ana kept her onslaught of blows coming, pushing Foster farther and farther into the street. 

Eventually, he was far enough back that Ana skittered backwards a couple steps, aimed, and fired. The bullet landed squarely in his stomach and he fell onto his back, gasping for breath. That threat neutralized, she looked around and saw Sam struggling with the man who’d run down the street and Bucky battling with Zemo himself.

It looked as though Bucky was going to win when his metal arm suddenly went limp. They both paused, staring down at his arm, while Ana sprinted forwards. In her periphery, she saw a flash of dark hair as someone ducked behind a car. Staunchly ignoring them, she body slammed Zemo as hard as she could.

Both of them went sprawling on the concrete, Ana’s gun clattering from her hand. Zemo rolled over to try and get up but Ana clutched onto him and yanked him back down. She straddled him and punched him once, twice, three times, until his nose was bloody and he was stunned.

“Are you okay?” Ana asked, looking up at Bucky. He reached over with his flesh hand and yanked off a small metal disk that had been on his metal arm. His arm twitched a few times before it righted itself. Certain that Bucky was unharmed, Ana turned her attention back to Zemo who was beginning to come to.

Ana gripped one of his lapels and raised her hand to deliver a blow that would swiftly knock him out to make him easier to transport. Before she could however, she was tackled and hit in the jaw.

Ana groaned and blinked, trying to clear the stars from her vision. Her hands were pinned to the ground and her attacker’s knees rested on top of her thighs, digging into her muscles painfully. When she could see properly, she saw that an old acquaintance was on top of her, an old acquaintance that she had called not even twelve hours ago.

“Jackie,” she mumbled, her jaw rapidly swelling and becoming more and more painful. Jackie opened her mouth to speak but was yanked upwards and thrown across the sidewalk. Ana cried out for Bucky to stop as he advanced on her, obviously thinking her to be another enemy. He did, looking perplexed, but when he turned to look at Ana, his confusion turned into alarm.

Ana turned to look behind her, expecting to see someone about to attack her, but she saw nothing. Zemo was gone. She sat up and looked to where she had fought Foster earlier only to see he was gone too.

“Dammit!” she cried, standing up. “This is your fault!” Ana pointed an angry finger at Jackie who was also beginning to stand from where Bucky had thrown her. Jackie tossed her long dark curls over her shoulder in indignation as she strode towards Ana.

“I couldn’t let you kill him. I need him alive,” she said. Her dark eyes were full of fire at being yelled at but also at losing Zemo.

“I wasn’t going to kill him!” Jackie tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. Ana rolled her eyes. She knew that, if pressed, she would’ve killed Zemo. She did fire at him too, not caring where she hit him.

“It doesn’t matter now,” Bucky started, “He’s gone. Let’s get back somewhere safe and regroup.” Ana nodded and started down the block to round the corner to where Veronica was parked. Sam jogged over and him and Bucky began to head back to their own car. Jackie started following Ana who turned and held up a hand.

“No. No, no, no… No.”

“Ana, you called me,” Jackie called.

“For help _once._ We’re not making a hero squad here,” Ana stated. Jackie crossed her arms over her chest but started chasing after Ana when she whirled around and started walking briskly.

“I need to find Zemo! I have to,” she implored, jogging to catch up to her.

“Why?” Ana asked. Jackie was silent. Veronica’s car came into view and Ana picked up her pace. She was turning over her thoughts in her mind, debating on whether or not Jackie should join the mission. Her help in getting the phone logs for Foster’s phone proved to be invaluable and the software she’d created definitely helped Ana corroborate Foster’s locations.

Ana began to clamber into Veronica’s car before she stopped with one leg in. She looked up at Jackie who looked surprisingly vulnerable. Her eyes were pleading with Ana. Whatever her motivations were for catching Zemo, they were important to her. Having her here couldn’t hurt. Maybe it would even help.

“Come on. We need to find somewhere safe to regroup,” Ana called. Jackie pumped her fist victoriously before rushing over and climbing into the back of Veronica’s car.

“We can go to my apartment,” Jackie offered. Ana nodded and asked for the address. When she gave it to her, Veronica plugged it into her own phone and began driving. Ana called Bucky who picked up almost immediately.

“We found a place to go,” she told him.

_“I take it we have a new team member?”_

“Something like that,” she mumbled with a sideways glance in the side mirror at Jackie. Ana rattled off the address and told Bucky she’d see him there. Before she could hang up, however, he stopped her.

_“Are you sure we can trust her? She let Zemo get away.”_ That was a valid point. Although it wasn’t purposeful, her interference did contribute to him disappearing again. Ana gnawed on her lip.

“We’ll talk about that later, okay?” she said softly.

_“Okay. I’ll see you there.”_

“See you there.” Ana hung up and leaned back into the passenger seat. She reached a hand up to rub at her jaw which was already swollen. She flipped down the sun visor and opened the mirror to see redness blooming on her otherwise pale skin. In a few hours, it was sure to be a blotchy purple color.

Ana flipped up the visor and sighed deeply. The ride only took about fifteen minutes but it was in the complete opposite direction from Bucky’s apartment, making their drive back even longer.

They pulled into the back parking lot of a nondescript apartment building with Sam and Bucky pulling into the parking spot next to them. They all got out of the cars and Jackie started leading the way to her apartment.

Bucky was quick to walk to Ana’s side, his hand drifting over where she had been struck. Guess the swelling was more prominent than she thought.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Ana hesitated, not quite sure whether to lean into the touch or bat his hand away. Eventually she just nodded. Bucky sighed slightly and let his hand fall, making her dilemma easier.

They made their way up to the apartment only to stop dead at the door when Jackie opened it for them. She waved at presumably her roommates, all three of them sitting on the couch, one holding a bowl of cereal with a spoon halfway to her mouth, before beckoning them into the kitchen.

Veronica grinned at them and Sam half-heartedly waved. They all looked incredibly confused when Ana and Bucky followed and also waved. As Ana rounded the corner into the kitchen, she heard one of the girls ask, “What does she even do for work?”

“You’re gonna have to answer some questions for your roommates,” Veronica quipped as she leaned against the counter.

“Ah, Captain America isn’t the craziest person they’ve seen in here,” Jackie said, waving off Veronica’s comment.

“We need to figure out where Zemo’s going next,” Ana stated. She wanted to get down to business and get out of there. Her voice was hushed so as not to alert the roommates as to what they were talking about.

Sam spoke up, “I think we need to face the fact that we can’t do this alone.” Ana bristled at the thought. She couldn’t fathom making their circle bigger than it already was. Any more would be too many people to trust and there was way too big of a risk that Zemo could’ve gotten to one of them.

“What, are we calling Spider-Man now? Or- or Black Panther? How many superheroes are on your speed dial?” Ana asked, growing upset but still trying to be quiet.

“This isn’t a superhero. He works with the CIA. He was in charge of keeping Zemo locked up,” Sam explained. Veronica now chimed in with a very good point.

“How do we know who can trust him? What if he helped Zemo get out?” she asked with a shrug. Ana gestured to Veronica triumphantly. She’d asked the very same question when they’d brought her on. Sam sighed but pulled out his phone without an answer.

He started a phone call with the caller ID ‘Agent Everett Ross’ and placed it on speaker. He picked up after two rings.

_“I heard about the stunt you pulled in front of the hotel already. If you wanted to apologize, now would be a good time,”_ Ross started without so much as a greeting.

“We’re just trying to do the same job as you,” Sam said placatingly.

_“I’ve been on the case since the hour Zemo escaped. We were close to catching him and then you got involved.”_ Bucky raised a hand to rub at his eyes. Ana briefly wondered how true that was. Just how close were Ross and his team to tracking down Zemo? Probably closer than Ana and her team were. After all, she’d only found Zemo through sheer dumb luck.

“We’ve at least found him and-”

_“And let him go, driving him to a different spider hole that he’ll hide in. And speaking of ‘we,’”_ Ross said, starting on a different tangent, _“That’s quite an interesting team you’ve got there. Anastasia Petrov, an assassin. Veronica Kelson, a spy. And now Jacqueline Garcia, a hacker. All with high kill counts, all on government watchlists.”_

Ana held up a hand, signaling everyone to be quiet. She took a deep breath and began making their case.

“Agent Ross, I understand your hesitation, I do. I just ask that you consider the fact that Zemo was not swayed by any obstacle in his past before. I doubt that the involvement of the CIA will cause him to falter now. Likewise, our involvement won’t do anything for him either. But he’s counting on us being divided because that makes us weaker. If we team up and work together, we are fundamentally stronger.”

A long pause. Ross sighed deeply.

_“Fine. I’m making a deal with an informant at a club in Saint-Tropez. You can come and assist but I don’t want to make a fuss here.”_ Ana smiled victoriously while Sam nodded and grinned. Bucky was looking at Ana with a slight relieved smile. Jackie was practically jumping with joy.

“Will do. I can assume you have my contact information?” Ana continued.

_“I do. I’ll be in touch, Ana.”_ He then hung up. Jackie let out a boisterous laugh and pumped both her fists.

“This is why I missed working with you!” she cried.

“Good job,” Veronica complimented.

“Um, hey, Jackie…” It was one of her roommates, leaning slightly into the very packed kitchen. Her gaze flitted nervously between the people standing around before settling on Jackie. “Am I… allowed to come in? I need to eat before work.”

Ana sighed, tapping her fingertips on the counter as she leaned against it. Veronica was steadily gazing at the roommate while Sam and Bucky seemed to be looking anywhere but at her. 

Jackie, however, smiled widely and said, “Sure!”

The four other teammates quickly took their leave, pounding down the stairs and out into the parking lot. Ana and Bucky walked towards his car while Veronica and Sam split off to Veronica’s car.

“I’ll call you when Ross calls me, okay?” she called to Veronica. She nodded in return before clambering into her car. Sam called for them to be safe and ducked down into the passenger seat. Ana returned his well wishes as did Bucky.

“Let’s get back and get some ice on that bruise, okay?” Bucky asked as they buckled their seatbelts. Ana nodded and leaned into the door, soreness seeping into her muscles. If she was already feeling it then, she’d surely be feeling it tomorrow and the next day. She had no idea when Ross was flying them to Saint-Tropez though. She hoped she’d have enough time to recuperate.

Ana’s phone sitting in the cup holder in the center console buzzed three times. She picked it up, anticipating a call but was greeted by three texts from an unknown number. One of the texts was an address in Saint-Tropez. One was a time, date, and the address for Dulles International. The last one simply read: _Don’t be late._

The time of the flight was at seven in the morning. Tomorrow. Ana chuckled and sighed.

“Ross wants us at Dulles tomorrow at seven,” she explained when Bucky glanced over at her. Bucky sighed as well.

“He wants this wrapped up just as much as we do,” he figured. Ana shook her head with a rueful grin.

“Think I can ask him to push back our flight? I need my beauty sleep.” Bucky scoffed at that.

“I don’t think he’d say yes. Also…” He hesitated. His expression changed from something open to something more closed off as he said, “We should cooperate with Ross as much as possible.”

Ana agreed, wondering just what he was about to say. This had become their relationship now: attempts at honesty and open communication and, dare she say, flirting, that were quickly staunched by circumstance or by Ana’s own recalcitrance to open herself up. 

Every time Bucky seemed to be trying to get closer to her, a wall slammed down involuntarily in Ana’s mind. And Ana pulling back encouraged Bucky to pull back as well. She thought back on the previous night where they’d sat on the couch, exchanging stories and laughing. Bucky had smiled and laughed harder than she’d seen from him so far and Ana wanted to make him feel like that again.

Neither of them had pulled away last night. If it hadn’t been so late and they hadn’t been so tired and Ana’s guard was just let down a little more… Well, there was no use thinking on what could have been. She had to focus on what could be. More than that, she had to focus on the mission.

Bucky pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building and they made their way up the stairs, Ana grimacing when she began ascending. Her legs were becoming more and more sore with every minute. 

The spot on her jaw where Jackie had hit her was also now throbbing in pain. She barely ghosted her fingers over it, trying to ascertain just how much it had swelled, and she winced in pain when her fingers grazed it a little too hard.

“You want some ibuprofen too?” Bucky asked as he unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside. Ana nodded gratefully and thanked him. “Go ahead and sit on the couch, I got the ice,” Bucky said with a gesture.

“Thanks, Bucky,” Ana said. She plopped down on the soft couch and groaned slightly. She reached down to untie her boots and slipped them off, letting them fall to the floor with a thump. Sounds of ice rattling floated into the living room as Ana leaned back.

Bucky emerged from the kitchen and walked directly over to Ana, a makeshift ice pack in his left hand and four ibuprofen in his right. He handed the pills to her which she dry swallowed before grabbing onto the ice pack. Her fingers brushed his metal ones again and he pulled back quickly.

“Can I… Bucky, can I look at your arm?” Ana asked softly. He looked down at his hand as if he was upset with it. He was silent for so long that Ana was about to tell him that it was okay, that saying no was completely fine, but he started to push his sleeve up to his elbow. Every inch exposed more metal, more black plates interspersed with gold.

Before she could stop herself, Ana reached out and gently touched his wrist. His fingers twitched, tensing, before he seemed to force himself to relax. Ana didn’t know what she had expected from his arm but it felt smooth and cool to the touch. She traced her fingers down to his palm before she brought her fingers up to his forearm.

It was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen, a technological marvel, an integral part of the man she was coming to know more and more. When she glanced up at Bucky, he was staring at her as though waiting for her judgement. His blue eyes were flitting around her face, searching for some sign that she was repulsed or upset or somehow put off by his arm.

She wanted to articulate what she was feeling but she couldn’t get the words out. Deciding to let her actions speak for her, she moved her hand down his arm to clutch his hand. She stroked her thumb across the back of his hand soothingly. Bucky let out a breath he’d been holding and Ana grinned.

He reached up with his other hand to ghost across her forming bruise, causing her to hiss slightly in pain.

“I’m sorry that you got hurt,” he said softly.

“Occupational hazard,” Ana said with a shrug and a smile. Something in Bucky’s gaze told her that he would give anything to make sure she wouldn’t get hurt again. Or maybe she was just imagining it, she rationalized. After all, she’d only known Bucky for less than two weeks.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, catching onto the fact that she was having her own internal dialogue.

“You,” she answered honestly, surprising herself. Bucky smiled wide. Ana returned his smile, her heart fluttering and her stomach twisting pleasantly.

Their little bubble was broken by a phone ringing. All of a sudden, Ana knew they were too close. Their faces were hovering a few inches apart and she was still holding his hand. She quickly leaned back, a curtain dropping behind her green eyes, and let go of his hand.

On the table, her phone was buzzing and ringing, showing Sam’s caller ID. Ana stood, smoothing a hand over her hair, before answering it and putting her back to Bucky as she walked across the living room.

“Are you okay?” she asked upon answering.

_“Yeah, I’m fine. I just got a text from Ross that says we have a flight tomorrow at Dulles.”_

“Um, yeah. I- I got the same text too.”

_“Okay. Just making sure. Tell Frosty too, alright? I don’t want him sleeping in and missing all the fun.”_ Ana laughed lightly as she placed a hand on her hip. She was still very aware of Bucky’s presence in the room, still very aware of his gaze boring into her back.

“I will. I’ll also tell Veronica and Jackie.”

_“Gotcha. Hey, are you okay too?”_ No.

“Yeah. I’m, uh, I’m good.” A pause.

_“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

“See you tomorrow.” Ana hung up the phone and turned to see that Bucky had pulled his sleeve back down and stood. He was also closed off again although Ana could very clearly tell that he was stung by Ana pulling away so quickly and completely.

“Sam’s all good?” he asked.

“Yeah. Ross texted him the time and place for the flight,” she said. Bucky nodded, averting his gaze from her.

“Good.” The air between them was now awkward and stilted. Ana sighed regretfully before holding up her phone.

“I gotta tell Jackie and Veronica so…” Bucky nodded before gesturing to the kitchen.

“If you get hungry, kitchen’s fair game,” he said. “I’ll be in the office. Second door on the right if you need me.”

“Thanks.” Bucky hesitated before turning and striding out of the room. Ana stared at the spot in front of the couch where he had been standing, willing him to come back. She heard the soft click of a door shutting and she knew that he wasn’t going to be coming back.

_Good job, Ana. Great._

She walked over and flopped back down on the couch, drawing her legs up to her chest, and wondered how she was going to mend this half-built bridge between her and Bucky that she kept sabotaging.


	4. ...And Your Enemies Closer

_“I am drowning. There is no sign of land. You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.” - The Mountain Goats, No Children_

* * *

Ana, Veronica, and Jackie were all walking up to Cobalt, a club in Saint-Tropez just a few blocks away from the beach, with Agent Ross in tow. They had made their plan on the private jet Ross had chartered to take them and it was supposed to be fool-proof. 

Sam and Bucky were to wait on the sidelines, in a restaurant a block over, unless they were needed. Jackie would secure their exit out the back door. Veronica would survey the scene from a table in the corner, making sure none of Zemo’s friends showed up. Ana would sit at the bar on the other side of the informant, making sure that the deal went through.

It was supposed to all go swimmingly and they’d be back on a flight home within two hours. At least, it was supposed to go swimmingly.

“Ah, fuck,” Ana groaned as the front of the club came into view. She spotted someone she knew on the other side of the bouncer, leaning against the wall, a lit cigarette between her fingers. “Let me handle this.”

Veronica, Jackie, and Ross all fell back to stand behind her as she approached the woman standing in a red, slinky dress that hung off one shoulder.

“How many spies do you know?” Ross asked incredulously. Ana was quick to wave him off.

“What are you doing here, Lila?” she asked. Lila shrugged languidly and dropped her half smoked cigarette on the ground. She crushed it underneath her red heel.

“Your little girl group is the talk of the town,” Lila answered, tossing her blonde curls over her shoulder.

“And you think you’re invited?” Ana quipped, raising an eyebrow. Lila smirked at her, her eyes hooded and her arms crossed over her chest.

“I think I can help you.” Ross reached out and tapped Ana’s shoulder, clearing his throat lightly, jerking his chin towards the entrance of the club. They didn’t have time for whatever game Lila was playing.

“Thanks but no thanks, Lila,” Ana said, walking away before she could speak another word. Ross took the lead this time and the women followed him into the heady, dark atmosphere of the club.

The flashing lights and pounding music automatically overloaded Ana’s senses. She could smell alcohol, cigarettes, perfumes. It was overwhelming. She blinked a few times and righted herself as her team dispersed to their designated spots.

She forced herself forwards and made her way over to the bar, shouldering through a crowd of dancing people. She eventually found an open barstool and perched onto it, crossing her legs one over the other, her Oxfords accidentally knocking into the bar.

Her outfit that night was a hodgepodge of clothing scrounged up from her teammates. The black Oxfords came from Jackie and the slacks were from Veronica. She’d had an old white button down in her duffle bag and she’d paired it with a blazer that Bucky had lent her. It was fashionably over-sized and rolled up to her elbows.

At least if it came down to a fight, she’d be better dressed for it than when she snuck into the gala, she thought as she ordered a gin and tonic in clumsy French.

“Drinking on the job?” Ana didn’t even have to turn to know that Lila had followed her inside.

“Why not? Want me to put your drinks on my tab?” Lila shook her head. Ana frowned at that; she’d never known Lila to turn down a drink even when on a mission.

“I’m serious when I say that I can help you,” Lila stated as she turned to face Ana straight on.

“What can you bring to the table that the others can’t?” Ana asked, feeling as though she was conducting a job interview. Technically she was, she mused.

“I know where your guy’s headed next.” Ana took a sip of her drink, staunching her surprised reaction. If Ross couldn’t figure it out and her team couldn’t figure it out, how did Lila figure it out?

“And you know that how?” Ana asked.

“I’ll tell you if you take me back to the States with you. I bought a one way ticket here.” Ana chuckled, shaking her head.

“It is a nice place to retire. You could just… stay here,” she said as a last ditch attempt to get Lila out of her hair. It didn’t work. Lila was nothing if not tenacious as she’d learned over the years.

“Not likely. Am I going with you or not?” Lila asked. Ana sighed. She’d have to ask Ross and Sam before any concrete decisions were made. Ana told her as much and Lila nodded like that was the answer she’d wanted all along.

Lila moved off to another part of the club surreptitiously, leaving Ana alone with her thoughts. Lila held a lot of cards in her hand right now. She had more cards in one hand than Ana’s team had among their shared hands and she really wanted Lila’s cards.

Turning her stool so she was facing the dance floor, she spotted Veronica leaning back in a corner booth, chatting up some tourist. Ross was a few stools down from her. Jackie was already at their exit hopefully. None of them had fired up the comms system only to be used in case of emergencies which was making her feel better.

However, their informant had yet to show. Ana whiled away ten more minutes, sipping on her drink casually, before she made eye contact with Ross. He shook his head slightly at her and she nodded.

If their guy wasn’t showing up, then it was likely he was sending an ambush. It was time to leave while they still had the opportunity. Almost as if on cue, someone clapped Ross on the shoulder and he jumped violently before relaxing slightly upon recognizing who it was.

This must be the guy. Ana turned back to her drink, fiddling with her straw, idly scrolling through her phone every so often. The informant ordered two drinks and handed one to Ross who primly but politely refused. He wanted to get down to business and get out of there, a sentiment which Ana shared.

She kept glancing out of the corner of her eye at the pair, thankful that the informant’s back was to her. This gave her only a partially obstructed view of Ross and a wholly unobstructed view of the gun stashed in the waistband of the informant.

Oh, no.

Ana quickly fired up the comms system but before she could even utter a word, the informant reached behind his back and grabbed onto the gun. The deal must’ve been going south. She lunged forwards, twisting the man’s wrist as violently but as covertly as possible. The gun clattered to the floor and the informant let out a groan of pain.

“Don’t,” Ana grunted in his ear, struggling to keep her hold on him. In response, he whirled around and struck her across her cheekbone. She stumbled back, trying not to trip over the barstools, while Ross reached up and grabbed the man in a sleeper hold.

Straightening up, Ana looked wildly around the club where people were beginning to notice the struggle, including security staff. Two big, burly bouncers at least twice as broad as Ana were quickly making their way across the dancefloor, shoving people aside. They were clearly shouting in French and Ana tried to shout back, defaulting to English and hoping they understood her.

“He had a gun! Stop!” she shouted. One of the men reached for Ross while the other reached for her. Ana sighed; she really didn’t want to have to fight a security guard when he was just trying to do his job but didn’t have any other choice.

When he gripped onto Ana’s arm, she kicked up and landed a square hit on his jaw before punching across his face with all her might. The man fell to the floor, either dazed or unconscious.

The other security guard now focused on her, trying to subdue her. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Veronica jumping into the fray and attempting to help Ross with the informant. Ana battled with the security guard for a few moments while people behind him shouted and tried to get out of harm’s way.

The music was still blasting and the lights were still strobing, making it hard for Ana to see her opponent’s movements. The man she was fighting was obviously not as experienced of a fighter as she was, allowing her to land two hits to the stomach, one kick to the face, and one last punch before he too fell backwards.

“Time to leave!” Ana shouted to Veronica and Ross. Their informant was limp in Veronica’s arms and she looked helplessly down at him before looking back up at Ana.

“What do I do with him?”

“Leave him!” Ana hopped over the bar, barely sparing the shocked and slightly scared bartenders a glance. She ran into the back storeroom, her teammates following close behind, pushing past various workers. The farther into the back they went, the less the music pounded in Ana’s head which she was endlessly grateful for.

Jackie was lounging in the back corridor of the club, her green snakeskin patterned dress turned neon under the fluorescents. The corridor was deserted except for her. She straightened up when she saw them, obviously confused but opening the fire exit anyways. No alarm went off; Ana breathed a sigh of relief at the silence.

They emerged into an alley and Ana gulped several deep breaths of clean air. She put her hands on her knees, letting herself rest for a moment, as her teammates made loud conversation.

“What did you get from him?” Veronica asked.

“Hardly anything. It was a setup,” Ross replied.

“If it’s a setup, then he has friends coming. We need to go,” Jackie called, beginning to head towards the mouth of the alley. Sirens in the distance could be heard, surely coming towards the club.

Ana pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed on a contact on her speed dial.

_“How did it go?”_ Bucky asked nonchalantly as though the sirens didn’t perturb him at all.

“Terribly. We need to go. Meet us at the airport. Be careful.” Without waiting for a response, Ana hung up. She followed the rest of her teammates towards the street and to the car they’d taken there. They all hopped in with Ross taking the wheel and tearing down the packed street, swerving around cars and pedestrians.

The farther they were from the club, the slower Ross’s driving became. Eventually, he was going the speed limit and everyone had stopped looking over their shoulders. The drive was long and Ana decided to make the drive useful.

She scooted over, into the middle of the backseat and leaned into the space between Ross and Jackie.

“You said you got hardly anything from the informant. What did he say?” she asked. Ross sighed, his hands tightening on the wheel.

“He said that he was taking a big risk by being there but he would tell me where Zemo was headed next.” Ana was waiting with bated breath. If the informant inadvertently let something slip, especially where Zemo was going, she had a concrete reason to not let Lila on the team.

“I’m assuming that he just… didn’t tell you?” Veronica asked, from her position leaning against the door to Ana’s right. She looked tired from all the travel and the subsequent struggle. Her blue velvet top was darker around her shoulder and down her side onto her dark jeans; she must’ve gotten a drink spilled or thrown on her.

“Not quite,” Ross said, “He told me that, and I quote, ‘Europe is a big continent. You’re not finding him any time soon,’ before trying to pull the gun.”

Ana slumped back and thumped her head against the headrest with a soft groan. That was hardly useful. The informant was right: Europe was big with multiple countries and not all of them were on good terms with the US, rendering their government connection obsolete.

“I may have a lead,” Ana reluctantly said, still staring at the roof of the car.

“Oh, do tell,” Veronica sniped. Ana whipped her head around to glare at Veronica. Her dark gaze was stuck out the window that she was leaning against but it was full of annoyance.

“I’m sorry, did I twist your arm to get you here? Cause from what I remember, you were the one who wanted to join us,” Ana snapped back. That got her to straighten up. Veronica started to lean across the small gap between them, opening her mouth to argue.

“Hey!” Jackie called, turning around in her seat. “Can you two cut it out?”

“Who asked you?” Veronica shouted, whipping her head around to stare at Jackie who looked like a kicked puppy.

“Don’t attack her!” Ana cried.

“All of you, stop,” Ross called, “This is the last thing we need right now.” Veronica slumped back, the fight leaving her body. Ana knew what was going on from experience. Veronica was jet-lagged and cranky from lack of sleep and she was also probably hungry. However, stating that out loud would make Veronica feel patronized so Ana just kept her mouth shut.

“The lead…” Ana started slowly when no one spoke for a few moments, “... is from Lila. She says that she knows where Zemo is going and she wants to join us.”

“Do you trust Lila?” Ana hesitated. Not yes but also not no. Lila had come through for her in many sticky situations back in the day before Ana had retired for a couple years. On the other hand, she didn’t know that much about her. They’d never been closer than acquaintances.

With Jackie, she’d had glimpses of her past here and there, hints of what her life was like before she became a spy.

With Lila, she had none of that. Lila had never let anything personal slip, not her favorite color or a sports team she liked or what music she listened to. She didn’t know her last name. Ana knew for a fact that Lila wasn’t even her real first name.

But a lead was a lead and it was coming from a woman who had saved Ana’s life at the expense of her own time and time again. If Lila had decided to hedge her bets with Ana and her crew, Ana could return the favor.

“I do,” she finally said. Ross nodded slowly, mulling it over. He evidently decided to mull it over for the rest of their drive as he stayed silent with his brow furrowed. 

When the airport loomed into view, Ana breathed a sigh of relief. They pulled up directly to the plane they’d taken there to see Bucky and Sam had already arrived. They were making conversation with a familiar figure in a red dress, her arms braced against her body due to the wind whipping around them.

Veronica was the first to climb out, slamming the door behind her, causing the car to rock slightly. She marched up to the plane, past their teammates, past Lila, and up onto the stairs leading into the plane without a glance back.

Ana climbed out and around to the passenger side where Jackie was standing. She was wrapping her arms around her middle, her black hair blown back from her face. Goosebumps were appearing on her arms and she was beginning to shiver slightly. Ana placed a hand on Jackie’s shoulder.

“It’s alright. She doesn’t mean it. She’s just cranky,” Ana said. Jackie nodded and gave her a reassuring grin. They started up to where Sam and Bucky were talking with Lila, the three of them deep in a conversation that looked like Lila trying to convince them of the validity of her relationship to Ana.

“Alright, Lila,” Ross called as he strode up to them, “On the plane. You and I are gonna have a talk.” Sam looked to Ross with confusion, gesturing between him and Lila.

“You’re okay with some stranger showing up and asking to join?” he asked. Ross barely spared him a glance and placed a guiding hand on Lila’s shoulder blade. They both turned and marched onto the plane with Jackie following slightly behind them.

“Let’s get going, gentlemen. I think we’re all a little tired,” Ana said.

“Really? I feel fresh as a daisy,” Bucky teased. Ana chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“C’mon, soldier,” she called over her shoulder as she walked up onto the jet. The door was closed behind them and locked, the crew getting ready for takeoff. The lights in the cabin were already dimmed and Veronica had taken up residence in the back corner, headphones in her ears and her eyes closed. 

Ross and Lila were sitting on the couch at the back of the cabin. They were obviously deep in serious conversation. Ana briefly wondered what Lila would say to endear herself to him and secure her place with the team.

Jackie was sitting at one of the seats with a table in front of it, her bag unzipped on the table and her laptop open next to it. She was idly tapping keys and clicking on the mousepad lazily. Sam moved to sit across from her and they began a quiet conversation.

Ana collapsed into a seat on the couch at the front of the cabin, her gaze following Bucky as he sat down next to her. He was dressed stylishly with a white button down and a maroon blazer that he definitely borrowed from Sam. He reached down and tugged off the leather gloves that he preferred to wear in public, setting them on the seat next to him.

“I got something on my face?” Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. Ana started, realizing that she’d been staring at him. She shook her head as her mind raced to come up with a witty comeback to his question. He saved her from having to answer as he said, “I’m gonna want that jacket back by the way.”

Ana tugged at the sleeve of it before wrapping it tighter around her body and smiling impishly at him.

“I think I’ll keep it.”

“It does look better on you,” Bucky said, his gaze growing soft. Ana’s breath hitched. Here they were again. Their guards were down and the walls hadn’t slammed into place yet. Blue eyes met green ones, a sort of comforting aura descending on them, creating their own little bubble.

“So what happened tonight?” he asked. Ana let her arms fall from around herself so she could rub a hand across her forehead. She quickly ran through the night’s events, glossing over her conversation with Lila.

At the mention of her name, Bucky turned around and glanced at where she was still talking with Ross. He looked back at Ana with a slightly furrowed brow.

“And you think she should join us?” Her first instinct was to defend her decision but she hesitated, picking at her cuticles.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. Her gaze had fallen to her lap, afraid of meeting Bucky’s eyes for fear of seeing distrust or judgement. She was ashamed of her own hesitancy. This was not the career to hesitate nor was this the time or the mission.

“Why are you worried?” Bucky asked, his voice soft and calm.

“She… Her help isn’t going to come without a price and I don’t think she wants money. Her loyalty lies with whoever is going to give her what she wants. And I don’t know what that is.”

“But…?” Bucky sensed that there was more to her thoughts.

“But my gut says that I can trust her. Which is… stupid,” Ana scoffed as she shook her head.

“Hey,” Bucky said, reaching out and laying a hand on Ana’s knee. She looked up at him, her brown hair a curtain between them that she reached up to tuck behind her ear. His expression was serious and earnest. “Even if you don’t trust your gut, I do. If your gut is saying that we can trust her, then I think we should take the chance.”

“I think you have too much faith in me,” Ana chuckled. Bucky’s eyes were moving about her face, the icy blue turned midnight in the dim lighting. He was grinning softly. Ana couldn’t help but smile back at him. They had edged closer and closer to each other once more, hovering in each other’s breathing space.

Suddenly, a large yawn emerged from Ana’s mouth. She leaned back quickly, putting a hand over her mouth to stifle it. Bucky huffed out a soft laugh and moved his hand from her knee to her shoulder.

“Get some rest. We’ve got a long flight.”

“You should get some rest too. Even supersoldiers have to sleep,” Ana pointed out.

“I have to talk to Ross but I’ll sleep afterwards,” he promised. Ana pointed a threatening finger at him as she yawned again.

“I’ll kick your ass if you don’t,” she yawned. Bucky smiled and chuckled. His hand, warm and sure on her shoulder, squeezed once before falling away.

“I’m sure you will.”

Ana laid down on the couch and curled up on her side, slowly drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep. She woke up once on the flight to find that Bucky was sitting down by her feet, head propped in his hand, slumbering away.

She gazed sleepily at him for a moment before a small smile came over her face. Her eyes drifted over to the windows above the couch where she could see the sun rising, gentle orange light streaming in over the clouds.

A quick cursory check of the cabin showed that Jackie and Veronica were curled up in their own seats, fast asleep. Lila was also asleep and sitting across from Veronica. There was a deck of cards sitting on the table between them. The only two still awake were Sam and Ross. 

Ross was diligently tapping away at his phone while Sam was reading a book. Sam looked up from his seat across the cabin from Ana, catching her eye. He smirked and shook his head at something. Ana furrowed her brow briefly before exhaustion overtook her once more and she let her head fall back on the couch.

Content with the atmosphere on the jet, the silence, the stillness, Ana sighed deeply and drifted back off into sleep, her face warm and her expression soft.

\---

Ana was sitting on Bucky’s couch, freshly showered and cleaned up, with the only sound in the apartment being the water running in the bathroom as he showered. She had her legs curled up underneath her and her hand was at her mouth as she gnawed on her cuticles. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute and she was trying to stop them as she replayed what had happened on the ride back from the airport.

_“How long do you think I’m gonna be at your place?” Ana asked. Bucky shrugged, one hand on the wheel, the other on the gearshift._

_“As long as you think Zemo’s a threat to you. I hope you don’t think I’m keeping you prisoner by the way,” he said, quirking an eyebrow at her. Ana huffed out a small laugh and shook her head._

_“I’m definitely not a prisoner. Although, I don’t think I’d mind if you were my captor,” she said, the words slipping out of her mouth._

_“Is it my conversation skills?” he asked. Ana enjoyed their easy banter and the teasing. Every time Ana would make a joke, Bucky would play along with it, no matter how dumb it was._

_“I think it’s how handsome you are,” Ana said genuinely as she leaned her head back against the headrest. They pulled to a stop at a red light and Bucky looked over at her. His blue gaze had lost any trace of teasing and he now stared at her softly, lips gently parted and brow slightly furrowed. Ana stared back, meeting his eyes and offering up a small grin._

_The light turned green. Bucky looked back to the road and focused on driving._

_“That’s very sweet, Ana,” he said._

_“It’s true.”_

_“I know.” The mirth had returned to his voice and the atmosphere had lightened between them. Ana couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her. They fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the drive._

Sitting on the couch, Ana had lost all sense of comfort and contentment. She was growing too close. She was growing too brave with her feelings. And there were feelings, genuine ones that she hadn’t felt for another person in years. She couldn’t deny that anymore.

If this continued, if her and Bucky became something more, she couldn’t see it ending well. Someone would get hurt. Bucky would get hurt. The idea of hurting him tore her to pieces and that in itself was terrifying.

Ana’s mind raced for a solution until it became clear to her all at once. She had to leave the mission.

Leaving her new team would hurt her now but it would hurt even more if she stayed. Rip off the bandaid now, save herself the pain of a deep wound later, she rationalized.

But she’d made several promises to several people that she didn't want to hurt. How was she going to sleep knowing that Zemo was still out there with an unknown endgame? How could she go on knowing that she was safe, no longer on Zemo’s hit list, but knowing that the people she cared about were in danger?

“Fuck,” she sighed, raking her hands through her damp hair. She had to get out of the apartment. She couldn’t sit here with Bucky all around her and keep her objectivity. But she didn’t have anywhere else to go either. Unless…

Ana jumped up off the couch and grabbed her duffel bag, everything inside it still safely stashed away. She ripped a sheet off of the notepad on the fridge and scribbled a quick note to Bucky: _Gone to see V. Be back soon._

Soon was a relative term. Soon could mean half an hour if Veronica didn’t want to talk to her. Soon could mean a few days if she shacked up with her to cool her jets. It could also mean never if she followed through with her thoughts.

As Ana rushed out to her car, she brought her phone up in one hand and began holding down the button to turn it off. Not only so she couldn’t be tracked but so that Bucky couldn’t call her and break down her resolve and get her to go back to him.

Ana’s drive took less than half an hour and she was tapping her fingers nervously on the steering wheel the whole time. When she arrived at Veronica’s townhouse, she shut the car off and stared off into the middle distance.

It had been so long since she’d turned to Veronica with a personal problem. Even though they’d been working together for a little over a week now, they had yet to sit down and talk about anything not related to the mission.

What if Veronica was a completely different person than she was three years ago? What if she gave her an answer she didn’t want to hear? Worse, what if she gave her the answer she did want?

Ana got out of the car, slamming the door and locking it behind her. She marched up to the door, her sneakers making tiny pitter-patters on the concrete, and knocked on it twice before ringing the doorbell once.

It took a few moments but the door was cracked open and Veronica peeked her head out, eyes squinted against the midday sunlight as though she had just woken up from a nap. She looked over Ana once before sighing and rolling her eyes. She leaned back without a word and opened the door so she could slip inside.

Ana saw that her suspicions were correct and her arrival had woken Veronica from a nap. The couch cushions and decorative pillows were mussed in the living room and the laptop sitting on the glass coffee table had gone dark.

“You want some coffee?” she asked, turning the corner behind the staircase to enter the kitchen.

“Sure,” Ana answered as she followed. The kitchen was exactly as she remembered it. Painted white walls, sleek electronic appliances, windows facing the street and letting sunlight stream in. It even smelled faintly of coffee and whatever meal Veronica had made before, something savory and rich.

They’d had many shared meals in this kitchen, prepared to the tune of whatever the latest pop hit was, occasionally stopping to whirl each other around and giggle. This was also the setting of many fights, including their last one. Ana had stormed out and hadn’t seen her since.

They were silent as Veronica prepared the coffee and Ana took up the spot at the kitchen table that she used to sit at all the time. She knew the game here. Ana would open up eventually; you just had to be patient as she figured out the right words to articulate her thoughts.

Ana was busy following the lines of the white wooden table when Veronica set down a steaming mug of coffee in front of her. It was a light caramel color, made just the way she used to like it. She didn’t have the heart to tell Veronica that she now took her coffee black. She reached out and wrapped her hands around the hot glass of the mug and relished in the warmth that it brought her.

“I… am falling for someone,” she hesitantly admitted. Veronica took a sip of her coffee and shook her head, her curls bouncing around her face as she did so.

“No shit. I was wondering when you were gonna kiss him.” Ana shook her head in response, still not meeting Veronica’s eyes.

“I didn’t. I’m… Listen, I’m getting too close to him.”

“What does that mean for you?” Ana finally looked up to see Veronica’s confused expression.

“I’m going to have to leave the mission. Leave the team.”

“You’re what?” Veronica asked incredulously.

“I mean… what if my objectivity is compromised?” Ana protested. Veronica raised an eyebrow at her before taking a sip of her steaming coffee. “What if-”

“This is the problem with you, Ana,” Veronica interrupted, putting up a placating hand. “You’re too involved in what ifs. Can’t you just live in the moment and be happy with whatever is happening between you and Bucky?”

“No! Because if I care too much about him and he gets injured or decides to leave me or gets _killed_ then I can’t just pick myself up and keep going! Why do you think I broke up with Connor? Why do you think I broke up with _you_?” Veronica set her mug down and sighed. For a moment, Ana thought she was going to tell her to go home. But then she reached out and gripped Ana’s hand tightly.

“Life, for us, is too short to keep everyone away. Look at Sam. Look at Bucky and Jackie. They care about you. Even Connor and I still consider you a friend. You’ve tried hard to keep us out but we wiggled our way in. And I know that’s scary and I know that it’s hard but that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it.”

With that grand speech, Veronica let go of her hand and stood, taking her coffee with her. She walked away and called over her shoulder, “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. There’s more coffee in the pot and the guest room is made up if you want to spend the night.” Her footsteps faded up the stairs.

Ana sat in the chair, her mind whirling, for so long that when she finally moved to take a sip of her coffee, it was cold.


	5. Family Matters

_ “Note to self: try harder, in all things, to be a better person.” -George Saunders, Tenth of December _

* * *

Several days passed with nothing more than a text from Sam asking if she was okay. She promised she was, having a feeling he asked at the behest of Bucky, and asked Sam for any updates. When he didn’t have any, she didn’t respond to his text.

Determined to keep busy during those few days, Ana took it upon herself to put her apartment back together. She scraped together the books that had been damaged and put them back on the shelves as she made notes of volumes she wanted replaced. She took the polaroids and photos that previously hung on the wall and put them in a pile to be moved to her office; they were a bit of a childish decoration anyways, she bitterly rationalized.

An hour spent browsing the Ikea catalogue on their website proved to be useful and she was able to buy a replacement coffee table before switching over to the Best Buy website and getting another TV.

Sure, she was angry about her possessions being destroyed but she was more upset about the fact that she was dropping hundreds of dollars on having to replace them. The more she cleaned, however, the more her anger was assuaged. Cleaning and reorganizing was having a therapeutic effect. The more her anger ebbed away, though, the more her feelings about leaving Bucky were coming to the forefront of her mind.

Every so often, she’d pick up her phone, half-hoping that she had a text or missed call from Bucky. She knew that she’d done something to their relationship though. She’d run, literally and metaphorically, and that was certain to have its effects on both of them. 

She knew that she couldn’t reach out anymore. There might have been a time where an apology would have been warranted, where she could’ve said that she needed to clear her head and she’d come back when she was done. But that would’ve been a lie and she knew that Bucky didn’t need anymore distrust in his life.

Ana still wasn’t sure that she was going to stay on the mission, after all. The team now had three other spies with extensive connections and bright minds; what did they need her for? Not that she was feeling useless, not at all. She was mostly trying to make herself feel better about abandoning her team.

She walked into her office and began getting her papers together, sorting them into piles. Old bills, old tax forms, and blank printer paper all went into her recycling bin. The one picture frame that she had on her desk was thrown across the room and she picked it up and gingerly cradled it.

It was a picture of her and her mother, Ekaterina. They were sitting in their old house in San Francisco, smiling and laughing. She didn’t remember too much about her parents but she remembered that they were vocal political activists and always encouraged her to speak up and fight for what she wanted.

Ana gently set the photo back on the desk and stared at it. What she wanted. What did she want?

She wanted to put Zemo back in prison. She wanted to help Sam and Bucky. She didn’t want to run. Ana reached out to lay a hand on the picture frame, her thumb gently stroking over the glass.

She dug her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number that she hadn’t called in several days.

_ “Hello?” _

“Hey, Sam.”

\---

Ana was perched on a stool at Sam’s kitchen island, her chin in her hand, watching as he bustled around the kitchen. He was getting out forks and cups and asking the other women what they wanted to drink.

The four spies were all at Sam’s house to discuss a new lead and had decided to grab dinner while they were there. They’d ordered from the Thai place a few minutes away but, honestly, Ana didn’t have much of an appetite nor did she feel much like talking. It was a shame; the atmosphere in the kitchen was homely and comfortable and everyone seemed to be enjoying hanging out without discussing business.

The others were making conversation over the soft music flowing throughout the room from the speaker on the counter. Lila was leaning against the counter on the opposite side of the island, checking her phone.

Jackie reached out and grabbed the beer bottle that Sam handed her before jokingly tossing the cap at Lila. She started before picking it up and throwing it back at her.

“All I’m saying is that  _ maybe,  _ just maybe, it’s not as good of a movie as you think!” Jackie laughed, now spinning the cap on the counter like a top. Veronica’s mouth was agape as she turned to Sam who simply shook his head as he handed her a beer as well.

“It is such a good movie!” she protested. The sound of the front door opening and closing made Ana’s ears perk up. Bucky walked into the kitchen, followed by the scent of their food. He was toting four plastic bags that contained several styrofoam containers each.

“Bucky, what do you think of The Sixth Sense?” Veronica asked, immediately yanking him into their debate. Bucky set the bags down on the table before beginning to slip off his leather jacket. The weather outside was beginning to chill more and more every day, slipping from pleasant and cool to brisk and biting.

“Is that the one with where the kid-” Veronica quickly shushed him, looking at Ana.

“She’s never seen it! No spoilers!” she said, lightly punching Ana in the shoulder. Ana rocked slightly and tried to grin. It was true; she’d never seen it and it was always a point of contention in their relationship. Bucky and Ana made brief eye contact before they looked away, staunchly avoiding each other’s gazes.

“I think it’s a fine movie,” Bucky finally said as he began unpacking their food. He passed out the various styrofoam containers, leaving three small ones containing spring rolls open on the countertop. Ana reached out to snag one and nibbled on it, trying to urge herself to form an appetite.

“So what’s the lead?” Veronica asked now that they were all present. Lila put her phone back into the jeans pocket and pushed herself off the counter, focusing on the task at hand.

“One of Zemo’s associates has entered DC. He’s headed to shack up with some ex-HYDRA members,” she stated.

“How do you know?” Ana asked. Lila seemed to have a never-ending well of information and contacts that was shrouded in mystery. Ana wanted to know that this information was trustworthy.

“A guy I know in the FBI who heard from someone in ICE who heard from someone in the DEA,” Lila deadpanned, crossing her arms and staring Ana down. She obviously didn’t appreciate being second guessed. Conceding, Ana dropped her gaze back down to where her pad thai was sitting in front of her, growing cold.

“Which associate?” Sam asked, tapping on the tablet that was sitting next to him. He was presumably looking at the file they’d built on Zemo and company.

“Alek Hall.” Sam scrolled through the file silently for a few moments before nodding and propping up the tablet so they could all see. A picture of Zemo and Hall stared back at them, both of them holding automatic weapons and decked out in protective military gear.

“Hall is ex-military. Same squad that Zemo worked with. A high kill count but he retired soon after the disaster in Sokovia,” Sam explained. Ana nodded, absorbing the information.

“Do we know where exactly he’s going to be?” Jackie asked with her mouth half-full of fried rice. Lila nodded and rattled off an address in Fairfax. Sam pulled up a map and showed them the house. It looked incredibly normal. 

Ana sighed, drawing the gazes of her teammates. She was growing increasingly weary of trying to track down anyone but Zemo. Why were they going through alternate routes when they could simply track him? But it wasn’t her team and it wasn’t her call and she was deeply downplaying the complexity of the situation and underestimating Zemo.

“You good over there?” Sam asked.

“I’m tired,” Ana mumbled before standing and walking out of the kitchen. She heard Jackie mumble something but couldn’t quite catch it before she was too far away to hear her. Completely disheartened and discouraged, Ana flopped onto the couch.

The only light in the room was a standing lamp in the far corner and the whole room and still and dim. Sounds of the conversations in the other room floated towards her, soft and unintelligible. She sat alone for a few minutes, staring into the middle distance, before she heard soft footsteps coming to join her.

“You didn’t eat anything,” Bucky said as he slowly sat down next to her. She wanted, more than anything, to reach out and hold him close but she couldn’t even bring herself to look at him. Emotionally exhausted from her constant whirling thoughts, Ana let herself sink further and further into the soft couch cushions.

“You didn’t either,” she pointed out. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bucky nod.

“We figured that you and the girls could go into the house tomorrow,” he said, bringing their conversation to business matters. Ana inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly. That was a solid plan. Assume a non-threatening appearance to get close to the house and then bring Hall in.

“Sounds good.” Bucky was staring at her with a closed off expression. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. Ana was both hoping for him to say something and wishing that he would just go away and take her conflicting feelings with him.

“How’s your jaw feeling?” he asked. Ana turned to face him finally to see his carefully blank face. Her bruise had developed over the past few days and turned a splotchy dark blue and purple. It throbbed every time she opened her mouth to speak and was still swollen.

“Fine,” she said softly. He huffed slightly, obviously becoming frustrated with how unresponsive she was. Good, she decided, let him get frustrated enough to walk away. She smothered that part of her that was begging her to speak up and ask him to stay.

“We’ll put your food in the fridge for when you get hungry,” he finally said, turning away from her to stand. She mumbled a soft thanks and turned to stare at her hands in her lap. She was picking at her cuticles, ignoring the pain, until she tore too deep and began bleeding. Putting her thumb into her mouth, she tasted metallic copper and salty skin.

Bucky’s footsteps faded into the kitchen and Ana was once again alone.

\---

“Who’s approaching first?” Ana asked, crouching in the back of Lila’s minivan. They had laid down the back rows of seats to make room for their gear and for detaining Hall, leaving a ton of room for Jackie and Ana to load their weapons into their belts.

“I can,” Lila offered from the driver’s seat.

“What’s your ruse?” Veronica chimed in, scrolling through her file on her tablet, studying up on Hall.

“Who says we need one?” she replied. With a shrug, she added, “I just figured that I’d go up to the door, you three would hide around the side and when Hall opens the door, we all jump him.” It sounded like a simple plan which was more foolproof than a complicated one. Ana couldn’t argue with her logic, she decided as she tucked a knife into her belt.

Save for Lila, they were all decked out in protective gear, complete with bulletproof vests and belts hefty enough to hold all their weapons. Lila was in plainclothes, a red blouse and jeans with a cardigan; she looked like a trendy young mom.

“Pull up at the end of the block,” Ana instructed as she stretched out one of her legs in front of her. She tightened the laces on her boot before shifting her weight to her front foot, getting herself prepared for the physical exertion of a fight.

Lila complied and she pulled the silver minivan up to the curb in front of a nondescript house with an empty driveway. They all hopped out, into the brisk early October day, and Ana looked around for any other people on the street. No one else. After breathing a soft sigh of relief, she whirled around at a strange sound.

Her eyes quickly focused on Lila, doubled over next to a bush, one hand holding back her long blonde hair. She had just thrown up.

“Are you okay?” Jackie asked.

“Seriously?” Veronica snapped. “Now?” Lila held up a finger as she spit a few times and wiped her sleeve across her mouth. She did look shaky despite the healthy glow to her skin and the steeliness in her blue eyes.

“First of all, that was rude,” Lila replied. “Second of all, I’m fine. Let’s go.” Jackie and Ana exchanged concerned looks as Lila strode down the street, her tan cardigan waving behind her. Ana shrugged, deciding to let it drop, before following.

The house drew nearer and nearer. It was obvious which house it was due to the volume of cars in the driveway that spilled out onto the street.

The three of them dressed for a fight ducked behind one of the cars and turned on their comms, waiting with bated breath for Lila to knock on the door. A small crackle in her ear and Ana heard the knocks.

_ “What do you want?”  _ a gruff voice asked. The accent wasn’t German or even Sokovian. The man who answered the door was Russian.

Her voice a perfect imitation of a friendly neighbor’s, Lila answered,  _ “Hi! I’m one of the neighbors down the street. Are these your cars?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “I’m so sorry but the neighborhood has a very strict policy on street parking and-” _

_ “Too bad.”  _ A shuffle and a small slam. The man must’ve tried to close the door and Lila stopped him. That was going to give it away; they had to move in now before they lost their entrance altogether.

Ana made eye contact with her teammates and nodded. They sprang into action, rushing around the car and up to the door. Lila swiftly ducked to the side and allowed for Veronica to leap in and knee the man in the stomach, sending him crashing backwards before he even had time to shout or draw a weapon.

Ana had her gun out as she entered the surprisingly modern home and she quickly fired off four shots at the different mercenaries in the room. There were way more than they had anticipated and not all of them were armed, she noticed.

“Secure the back door!” she shouted to Jackie who sprinted past her towards the kitchen. Ana’s heart was racing as she began fighting off the men who tried to rush her. She knocked over two of them before she was aided by Veronica.

They fell into a comfortable rhythm of teamwork, shoving their attackers and picking up each other’s slack. Ana dodged a punch, grabbed the man’s arm, and hit him upside the jaw two times. He slumped to the ground and she turned to help Veronica, jumping onto the back of the man who had her in a chokehold.

She whipped him across the temple with the butt of her pistol and he stumbled to the side. Veronica gulped in a deep breath as she crumpled. Ana raised her gun and fired off two shots at the man. From what she could see, at least one of them hit as he shouted in pain.

“Where’s Hall?” Veronica shouted hoarsely. None of the men in the house, not even the ones they’d knocked unconscious or killed, were Hall. Ana’s earpiece crackled and she heard Jackie’s grunting.

“I’ve got something-  _ uh! _ \- even better. Get to the kitchen and-” She cut off. Ana and Veronica immediately ran around the corner and skidded to a stop, Ana’s boot sliding on the tile floor. She saw Jackie pinned to the ground with Zemo on top of her, his hands around her throat.

Veronica raised a hand to her ear and ordered for Lila to start up the car as Ana reached for her knife. She flipped it around in her hand and brought the hilt down on the back of Zemo’s head. He was either dazed or unconscious but, at the moment, he wasn’t the most important thing to Ana.

She knelt down next to Jackie who was coughing violently and trying to suck in gulps of air. Trusting Veronica to take care of Zemo, she batted Jackie’s hands away from her own throat to assess the damage. Her throat was quickly turning red and her face was blotchy and flushed but she seemed to be otherwise unhurt.

Ana breathed a sigh of relief and held out her hand to help Jackie stand. Her pulse was still wild and she could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips and her face. Her senses muted by adrenaline, she couldn’t tell if she’d taken any minor hits but she had a feeling that she was mostly unscathed.

Veronica straightened up from handcuffing Zemo, yanking him up with her. As soon as he began to shake off the pain from being hit, he started struggling. Ana was quick to let go of Jackie’s hand and grab her pistol where she’d tucked it into its holster. She pointed it at his head.

His brown eyes looked up at it before centering his gaze on her. The absolute coldness there rattled her ever so slightly. She could practically see him calculating his next moves and the chances of him getting out of this situation.

“Ana, isn’t it?” His voice was chilling, his accent prominent. Ana kept her gaze level and turned off the safety on the pistol. She’d seen the havoc he could wreak. She’d read about his cunning mind. She’d be damned if she let him get into her head in any way.

Veronica shoved him forwards, forcing them to break their eye contact. She had a grip on one of his arms while Ana gripped the other one and forced her pistol firmly against his side. They marched forwards and out of the house, stepping around bodies, and it occurred to Ana that this had been almost too easy.

They hadn’t even found who they were looking for and instead stumbled upon their evasive target. No one got that lucky.

Ana’s gaze was roving around the street, ready to take on anyone who tried to stop them. No one did but many neighbors had edged out of their doorways to stare at their little group. They got up to the minivan and shoved Zemo into the back, Ana and Jackie climbing in after him and Veronica moving to sit up front in the passenger seat.

Lila started to pull away from the curb slowly before they heard the sound of a revving engine and squealing tires. An SUV rounded the corner at the opposite end of the block, speeding towards them.

“Who called for backup? I thought we got them all,” Veronica questioned.

“Go. Now,” Ana ordered fiercely. She peeked out of the rear window to see another car coming at them. They were going to be trapped in if Lila didn’t make a sudden move. Thankfully, she did. Lila floored it, sending Ana tumbling to the floor of the van and making Zemo slide backwards. Jackie was holding onto Lila’s seat for dear life.

They all rocked to the left as Lila swerved around the SUV coming at them from the front. The passenger side wheels bounced over the curb with several thumps before levelling back out onto the street.

Ana tried to keep her gun aimed at Zemo with all of the swerving and dangerous maneuvers that Lila was pulling to try and throw their pursuers off their tail. He kept glancing around the minivan for anything he could use to his advantage but there was nothing that he could reach with his hands cuffed behind his back.

“Do you know who I am?” Jackie asked him, surprising Ana. She looked briefly over at her colleague before looking back at Zemo. He was evidently surprised by her speaking up as well, having Ana pegged as the leader of the group. He stared blankly at Jackie.

“Do you know… who I am?” Jackie repeated with more emphasis. “You know Ana. Do you know me?”

“Can’t this wait?” Ana finally asked. She rocked to the side again, hitting the back of Lila’s seat. The sounds of honking and squealing tires reached her ears as they left the suburbs and entered the city.

“I’ve waited ten years for this.” Jackie lunged forwards and grabbed Zemo by the lapels of his jacket. She shook him vigorously, bringing her face close to his. Her expression was contorted into a mask of rage that Ana had never seen before. “Where did you put Ethan Garcia’s body?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zemo said. The wound on the back of his head was beginning to drip onto the gray upholstery. He winced when Jackie shook him again.

“He was 24. He had curly black hair and brown eyes. He was in Germany to study abroad and-”

“I haven’t been in Germany since 2013!” Zemo shouted at her.

“He was at the same hotel at the same time as you, bastard!” Jackie shouted. Her voice was beginning to tremble. Ana considered intervening but so far, Jackie wasn’t posing a threat. She wasn’t going to kill him without the information she needed. At least, that’s what Ana thought.

Quick as a flash, Jackie struck out and backhanded Zemo across the face. He groaned and let his head loll to the side. His nose was now bleeding as well.

“Jackie!” Ana shouted. Jackie held up a finger, not even bothering to look at her.

“This has nothing to do with you,” she snapped before lacing her hand through Zemo’s hair and yanking his head up so he was forced to look at her. Jackie’s teeth were bared and her eyes were filled with tears. “What did you do to him?”

Ana looked to her teammates for help only to see that Lila was focused entirely on driving. Veronica was turned halfway around in her seat, her brown eyes wide with shock at Jackie’s interrogation but she, too, made no moves to interrupt.

“I remember now…” Zemo groaned. He made eye contact with Jackie solemnly. “I killed him. I dumped his body.”

“Where?!” Jackie shouted.

“Enough!” Ana called. She straightened up as much as she could in the back of the minivan, swaying violently as Lila swerved around corners and other drivers. Jackie shoved Zemo away from her, his head knocking into the side of the car. He let out a shout of pain.

Backing up so she was on her knees, Jackie drew her own pistol from her belt and aimed it between Zemo’s eyes. Her hand was trembling like a leaf.

“No!” Ana shouted. She tensed herself to launch across the small space but before she could, she heard one loud, sustained honk and Veronica screamed.

Ana went weightless for a moment before she crashed into the opposite side of the van, landing half on top of Jackie. Her head hit one of the back windows with shocking force, snapping her head backwards, sharp pains shooting through her neck. Blood quickly dripped into her eyes from the gash on her forehead.

Metal scraped against asphalt as the van skidded on its side. The glass under her was shattered. Eventually, the car stopped moving but the world didn’t stop spinning.

Ana slowly began moving, groaning as she went. She tried to wipe away the blood in her eyes but it kept flowing down, staining her hands and her black t-shirt. Jackie was completely still next to her. She reached out, fumbling, and grabbed onto the strap of Jackie’s bulletproof vest.

“Jackie…” she groaned, trying to rouse her, praying that she wasn’t dead. She didn’t stir as Ana looked towards the front of the van. The windshield was cracked and partially missing. The horn was stuck, blaring and causing Ana’s head to pound even more. Lila was slumped against the driver’s side door. Veronica was unconscious or dead, splayed across the center console, half her body wedged underneath the dashboard of the passenger seat.

She let out a heavy breath, almost a sob, before she turned to Zemo. He was kicking out the back window. Ana tried to shout but all that came out was a mumble.

She outstretched a hand only to let it fall. Everything was spinning around her. The scent of smoke and asphalt and burned rubber was thick in the air.

Ana managed to slowly get herself to her hands and knees and crawl over the broken glass and bent metal. The faster she tried to crawl, the dizzier she became, her hands slipping out from underneath her several times. She could only watch as two people in nondescript clothing came into view.

She called hoarsely for help as Zemo wiggled out of the back window. He was hauled up by the two people that had approached and, as soon as they had come, they disappeared. She heard the squealing of tires and several honking horns as she climbed out of the back.

They were in the middle of an intersection, having been t-boned by a large commercial truck. Traffic around them had stopped and people were getting out of their cars to see what had happened. Ana stood, stumbling backwards and looking around wildly. 

Sirens were quickly approaching and Ana watched as an ambulance rounded the corner and pulled to a stop in the middle of the intersection. Two EMTs clambered out of the back and Ana tried to take a few steps towards them.

“Please!” she shouted as they drew nearer. “My friends…” she breathed, gesturing to the minivan. No one else but her had emerged from the wreck. One of the EMTs rushed past her to the car while one stopped in front of her.

“Ma’am-”

“You have to help them! Please, they’re my friends!” Ana cried, the words coming out of her mouth as though someone else was speaking for her. Belatedly, she realized that she couldn’t breathe because she was crying.

The world swayed violently again, the buildings and sky swirling together in a blur of colors, and she began to fall. The EMT wrapped strong, sure arms around her and helped slow her descent, gently laying her down on the sun-warmed asphalt.

“She’s going into shock!” the EMT called. Darkness was pushing at the edges of her vision and Ana tried to speak, one single thought persistent in her mind.

“You have… to call…” Call who? Bucky? Sam? Ross? Before she could get a name out of her mouth, the darkness swelled up and consumed her, dragging her down into unfeeling nothingness.

\---

Ana slowly woke to a soft beeping noise. She grimaced, wishing it would go away, before realizing that it was a heart monitor. Slowly opening her eyes, she groaned at the bright fluorescent light.

“It’s about time.” Ana let her head loll to the side to see Sam sitting next to her. He was grinning at her, a book in his hand. He set the book on the nightstand and leaned his elbows on his knees. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a truck,” she groaned. Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and her tongue was made of lead. Sam chuckled at that.

“You technically did.” Ana remembered. Jackie was interrogating Zemo, about to shoot him, and then… everything after that was foggy. She glanced around her room. There was a chair on the right side of her bed as well with a cup of coffee on the nightstand next to it that looked as though it hadn’t been left there long.

“Where’s everyone else?” she asked. Remembering how Lila had been slumped against the car door made Ana brace for bad news.

“Well, Lila, Jackie, and Veronica have all been discharged from the hospital. No broken bones, nothing worse than a few concussions and stitches.” Ana nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. When no one else had crawled out of the car with her, she’d feared the worst.

“And Bucky?” Ana asked. Sam chuckled and gave her a raised eyebrow. He’d seen Ana’s interest in him from a mile away no matter how hard she tried to staunch it. He’d always been good at reading her anyways. Ana scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“He’s been waiting over there since you were brought in. You should’ve seen him. All sad and shit,” Sam teased. Ana let out a half-hearted chuckle. She cast her green gaze up to the tiled ceiling. Briefly, she wondered when Bucky would be back but she quickly banished the thought. There shouldn’t have been a rush or a need to see him, she reminded herself.

The door to her hospital room opened and, for a moment, her heart stuttered. She was expecting Bucky or maybe Veronica but Lila instead walked through the door. She was wearing a fresh outfit and her hair had been brushed back into a ponytail.

“Bout time you woke up,” she said with an easy smile. It was the most casual and at ease that Ana had ever seen her. Lila walked over to the other side of the bed and plopped down in the chair, her sneakers making soft scuffs on the linoleum. Her blue eyes roved over Ana’s face before flicking over to Sam.

She said, “Bucky wants to see you. He’s in the cafeteria.” The message behind her words wasn’t subtle at all. Sam nodded and told Ana that he’d be back up before getting up and leaving. He left his brown leather jacket across the back of the chair. Ana, now becoming increasingly cold, debated leaning over and stealing it.

“What’s up?” she asked. Lila stared at her for a moment, her face unreadable. She stood and walked to the end of the bed, grabbing the extra blanket that was folded there and bringing it up so it covered Ana’s body.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” Lila said finally.

“For what?” Lila’s gaze seemed to focus everywhere but on Ana herself. She was bouncing her leg as she leaned back with her arms crossed over her chest. Her manicured fingernails played with the fabric of her blue t-shirt.

“I’m sorry for not doing enough,” she finally breathed. When Lila finally looked at her, Ana was shocked to see tears in her eyes.

“You’ve been doing plenty,” Ana assuaged, “Your intel is invaluable and so are your connections.” Lila bit her lip so hard that Ana worried she would draw blood. Ana struggled into a more upright position, feeling the deep ache in her muscles from the crash. She stared at Lila for a moment. There seemed to be genuine discomfort and guilt in her face. She was being honest.

“I don’t have anything in my life, Ana. Anything. And now… I at least have you guys.” Lila smiled shakily, her bottom lip beginning to tremble. Ana knew the feeling all too well.

“We’re glad to have you,” Ana replied sincerely. Lila, while still maintaining her air of secrecy, had fit in with them well. She remembered seeing the deck of cards between her and Veronica on the plane and how she’d joked around and laughed with them when they were over at Sam’s before this had all happened.

She knew what it was like to ache for a family. Her parents had been taken from her at a young age and she’d been raised to be who she is today. For her to even have formed the relationships that she did after leaving her agency was a miracle. A lot of people like her didn’t get that. Lila was one of those people.

“Thanks for bringing me on,” Lila said as a tear escaped her eye. She quickly wiped it away and grinned. This was the most vulnerable she’d ever seen Lila and they’d been in the trenches together. It was… jarring but not unwelcome.

“Of course,” Ana replied softly. Lila sniffed hard and wiped at her eyes as footsteps became audible outside the door. Jackie and Veronica, dressed fashionably in a leather jacket and jeans, strode in with a big smile. She was holding a container that she proudly flourished and set on Ana’s lap.

Jackie set down a pile of folded clothing at Ana’s feet which she recognized as her own. Ana felt warmth blossoming in her chest as she opened the container to see an assortment of a dozen donuts. They looked to be from the place next to her apartment that she always visited. Veronica had even gotten her a devil’s food donut, her favorite kind.

“I got dibs on the raspberry filled!” Jackie called as she plopped down in Sam’s old spot and leaned forwards, snatching the donut out of the box. Ana chuckled and turned the box towards Lila. She hesitated before smiling and grabbing a chocolate iced with sprinkles.

“Thanks, guys,” Ana said through a mouthful of donut.

“No problem,” Veronica replied. She bit her lip but only for a moment, seeming to debate something. Whatever she was debating, she decided to say, “So… you’ve never seen The Sixth Sense and Jackie doesn’t like it. What about Scream?”

Jackie brushed her hands together dramatically as she chewed her final bite.

“Okay!” she exclaimed, getting ready to launch into another movie spiel. Lila and Ana exchanged a look and rolled their eyes but smiled nonetheless. Ana took another bite of her donut and laughed when Jackie and Veronica started talking over each other about their differing opinions on Scream.

“You’re wrong,” Veronica said to Jackie, getting worked up, causing Ana to laugh even harder. “You’re on the wrong fucking side of history. Scream is a masterpiece!”


	6. Waking Nightmares

_“Who’s the real you?_ _The person who did something awful or the one who’s horrified by the awful thing you did? Is one part of you allowed to forgive the other?” -Rebecca Stead, Goodbye Stranger_

* * *

Ana was once again at Sam’s house. His place had become their home base which he didn’t seem to mind, thankfully. She had her bare feet on the couch and her hair was hanging loose as she leaned back so her head hung off the arm of the couch. Ana rubbed a hand over her head as she thought.

_Man, I need a haircut._

Mostly she was thinking about what Zemo’s endgame was. Why did he escape and not immediately flee the country? What was he going for?

“What are you up to?” Ana asked out loud.

“Oh, me? I’m just trying to get a hold of Ross,” Sam quipped as he walked into the living room with a beer in each hand. “The imaginary friend you’re talking to? I don’t know what they’re up to.” Ana grinned before leaning up to grab the beer from him. She took a sip before setting it on the coffee table. She sighed and closed her eyes, bringing a hand up to press between her eyes. Her head had been aching ever since the accident.

“Put a coaster under that, you savage,” Sam said with a gesture. As she did so, she began thinking out loud.

“Zemo escaped.” Sam nodded, a chuckle escaping him.

“I knew that, thanks.” He was dressed casually in a t-shirt and sweatpants as though he was about to go running. Which he probably was when Ana showed up, her own apartment becoming too small and cramped for her taste after just a few days of resting up.

“Zemo escaped… and didn’t run,” Ana mused as though she’d hardly heard him. “Why?”

“Well, every intelligence agency in the western hemisphere is looking for him. Maybe he thought it was safe to hole up for a while.”

“But hole up at a hotel? And then immediately leave? And- and then to go to a safehouse occupied by like ten other guys.” Ana turned to Sam, his dark gaze focused intently on her. “None of it makes sense.”

Sam opened his mouth to reply and was interrupted by a knock at the door. As he set down his beer, the door opened and Bucky let himself in followed by Agent Ross.

“Wow, you have a key?” Ana asked.

“For emergencies,” Sam said with a pointed look at Bucky who just shrugged and shed his leather jacket and rolled the sleeves of his henley up to his elbows. Ross stepped forwards and motioned for Sam to follow him into the kitchen.

As he walked through the living room, he told Ana, “Glad to see you’re doing better.” Ana grinned politely and nodded, watching as they disappeared into the other room, leaving her and Bucky alone. A sharp stab of pain shot through Ana’s head and she winced, reaching up to gently massage at her temples.

“How’s your head?” Bucky asked as he lowered himself into the armchair next to the couch. Ana moved her hand to touch at the scab that had formed where she had hit her forehead. It wasn’t going to scar, thankfully.

“It’ll be better soon. I hope.” Bucky grinned at her, his gaze soft and open. They were silent for a moment while Ana turned over her thoughts in her mind, debating on whether or not she wanted to ask what was on her mind. 

Bucky spoke up and said, “You’re thinking about something.”

“How can you tell?” He moved his hand up to touch a spot between his eyes.

“You get a little crease right here. You also frown like someone just offended you,” he said fondly. Ana chuckled softly and moved so she was leaning against the arm of the couch, her feet tucked up beside her. “So what are you thinking about?”

Ana sighed and started, “I, uh…”

What was truly on her mind was the fact that Bucky had sat by her hospital bed for a whole day, waiting for her to wake up. She hadn’t been able to shake that since Sam told her. They hadn’t been alone since Ana went back to her own place to rest up and hadn’t had a chance to talk about it.

Ana hesitated, wondering how Bucky would react to her asking about it. She wondered how she would react to it. Neither of them were open books after all. The closer that Ana and Bucky became, the less Ana wanted to open up. She wanted to shy away from the vulnerability that came with growing close to him.

“I was just thinking about the mission. Zemo’s behavior. What we’re going to do next,” Ana lied. The softness from Bucky’s face faded and was replaced with a thoughtful expression.

“We’re going to talk to Ross about the next steps and figure it out together,” he stated. Ana chewed on the inside of her cheek lightly and started picking at her cuticles. There was so much she wanted to say, so much that she wanted Bucky to know and so much that she didn’t. She yearned to know if he was sitting next to her with the same swirling thoughts, both about the mission and about them.

_Them,_ something inside her scoffed. As if what they had was a relationship. As if Ana could hold onto anyone long enough to form something truly meaningful. She’d chased away Veronica and she’d chased away Connor and she was sure to chase away Bucky. And they would both be better for it, she reminded herself.

Ana finally looked up, realizing that she’d been lost in her own thoughts, and grinned slightly at Bucky.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern filling his blue eyes. God, Ana could get lost in those eyes forever. She could. But she wouldn’t.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She could tell that Bucky didn’t believe her. She’d been raised a spy, an expert about lying about everything, a spy so good that Veronica had a hard time distinguishing her truths from her lies, but Bucky had this way of looking right through her. He could always read her.

Bucky decided to drop it, nodding and looking away, not buying into her lie in the slightest. A curtain dropped behind his eyes and hid whatever vulnerability had been there. She ached at seeing it but the part of her mind that was interested in self-preservation whispered, _‘Good.’_

A knock sounded on the front door. Bucky sprang up and strode over, looking in the peephole before opening the door enough for Lila to slip inside. Ana straightened up and stood to greet her. Her cheeks and nose were flushed from the cold and she began shrugging off her heavy jacket.

“Hey, guys,” she greeted. Her eyes flicked between Bucky and Ana before she focused on Ana. “Sam texted me, said he was talking with Ross.”

“They’re in the kitchen,” Ana said with a gesture. She closed her eyes and grimaced as the pain started up again, throbbing behind her eyes.

“You good?” Lila asked as she moved farther into the house and tossed her jacket on the back of the armchair. Ana nodded, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

“I’m just tired. And my head hurts,” Ana groaned. Lila chuckled at that.

“Well, yeah, you slammed your head into a window. Go take a nap or something.” A nap didn’t sound too bad. She was about to protest when someone laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. She turned to see that Sam had entered the room, followed by Ross. 

Sam’s dark eyes were earnest when he said, “Guest room’s free. Go take a nap and I’ll update you later.” Everyone was looking at her, fatigued and aching, and she realized that every second she stood there, the more tired she became. Taking a break from her whirlwind mind seemed like a good idea.

“Alright,” Ana said with a nod. She headed down the hallway by the stairs that led to the guest bedroom but stopped when Sam called her.

“Don’t drool on my pillows,” he warned with a smirk. A smile broke out on Ana’s face as she turned back around to head into the room. The quiet conversation the other three had begun to make in the living room was cut off as she closed the door.

Ana sighed deeply as she made her way to the bed. It was made up with decorative pillows and a soft navy comforter and another blue blanket thrown artfully over the edge of the bed. She pulled up the blue blanket and pushed the comforter back, climbing in and sliding underneath. The bed was wonderfully soft and she sank right down into the mattress.

The tension faded from her back as gravity lessened on her spine. Her brown hair splayed over the white pillows as she shut her eyes and immediately fell asleep.

Her dream was nothing concrete but she had a strange feeling of longing when she opened her eyes. The sunlight that had been streaming in through the window was now a deep orange. The sun was setting. Her nap was probably only a few hours long but her headache was gone and she felt rested.

As Ana sat up, she ran a hand through her now tangled hair and wiped a hand across her mouth, smacking her lips together to get rid of that post-nap musty taste. She looked around the room and took in the decorations that she hadn’t noticed before.

The main thing she noticed, however, was how still the room was around her. There was no noise of traffic outside or the sound of an air conditioner or a refrigerator running. All of the common noises she was used to in her own apartment were now gone and she was left with a sense of quiet. Maybe there was a bit of emptiness in there but she mostly felt an inner quiet.

It didn’t last long. As she exited the bedroom, she heard the soft sounds of two people conversing in the kitchen, out of sight. Ana edged closer.

“-never really had time for anything more than a casual girlfriend, I guess,” Sam’s deep voice said.

“You’ve never wanted a family?” Lila’s lilting voice asked. Ana tilted her head slightly as she leaned her side against the wall. She stared off into the middle distance as she listened to them.

“I did. I do, I guess.” A pause. When did Sam and Lila get so close, Ana wondered. “Spying makes it pretty hard to make a family, huh?”

Lila was quiet for a moment. A small clink and the slide of a glass on the counter.

“In most cases. Not all the time,” she finally answered. Lila sounded unusually vulnerable just as she had when she was in Ana’s hospital room. She could imagine Lila’s blue gaze averted down towards the counter as she spoke. “I, uh, I’ll be one of those exceptions someday.”

“You got plans to be a mom?” Sam asked softly. A sniff and Lila clearing her throat. She must’ve gestured or done something because she didn’t speak until Sam gasped softly. “Oh my god… congrats, Lila. That’s… that’s amazing.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone else just yet but, uh, yeah.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Ana was still staring into the middle distance, tears quickly filling her eyes. Lila was pregnant. Lila was pregnant and she was keeping it a secret from those on her team. Lila was pregnant and her profession was completely unsuited for building a family. She had so much to lose now. She had so much to protect.

A tear slipped down Ana’s face and she breathed out shakily, no longer paying attention to the conversation happening around the corner. This was too personal; Lila didn’t want her to know, otherwise she would’ve told her already. 

Ana had to leave. She had to go… somewhere. She had to be somewhere that wasn’t there. Blindly, Ana put on her shoes and her coat and slipped through the front door, clicking it shut quietly behind her.

She started driving, going nowhere in particular, but soon realized that she was on a familiar route in a familiar part of town. She pulled into the parking lot behind Bucky’s apartment building and sighed, resting her head on the steering wheel. Deciding to go through with it, Ana clambered out of her car and started up to his apartment, dashing quickly across the parking lot as twilight set in.

She walked up the several flights of stairs they’d used the past few times before she came to his door. Ana knocked three times and was surprised when he opened almost immediately. His hair was wet like he’d just gotten out of the shower and he was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. He must’ve been getting ready to turn in for the night.

“Is everything okay?” Bucky asked. He was on alert, ready to take on whatever problem Ana had brought him but she nodded.

“Yes. And no. It’s… complicated,” Ana said as she ducked her gaze.

“Come in,” he said, opening the door wider and moving aside. Ana walked in and immediately walked over to the couch. She sank down and raked a hand through her hair. Bucky moved to sit next to her although he was as far away as he could be while still being on the same couch.

“Do you ever…” Ana started before blowing out her breath in frustration. “Do you ever get tired of living with so many secrets?” Bucky, sensing that this was a part of something larger, said nothing but nodded.

“I mean, everyone has a different motivation for being on the team and I don’t like that I don’t know it. Look at Jackie. She’s been hiding her own personal motives the entire time! And we didn’t know about them until it put us in danger and took away from the mission. And we still don’t know the first thing about why Lila’s here.”

“Why are you here?” Bucky asked softly. Ana cut off with a stuttering breath and she leaned her elbows on her knees. She thought back to the night that Sam approached her in the alley and asked her to join, calling in one of his favors. That was the first answer on the tip of her tongue: that Sam asked her to be here. But it went deeper than that, didn’t it?

“I want to be better, I guess,” Ana mumbled, looking down at her palms. She remembered how much her hands had dealt violence and pain to other people. She could put on the brave front all she wanted but she had done horrible things, things that no longer gave her nightmares because she had become desensitized to them.

“I understand,” Bucky replied. Of course he did. He knew better than anyone what it was to want to be better, to erase your past and begin anew.

“I… When this is all over…” Ana began, finding it difficult to get her words out. She wanted to tell Bucky that she was leaving DC when this was done. She wanted to tell him that their goodbye when the mission was done would be their last one. But the words refused to leave her throat, a lump forming and painfully blocking her speech.

Bucky was patient with her, letting her breathe deeply and regain control of herself. He was always patient with her. Ana straightened up and leaned back against the couch without looking at Bucky. She stared in front of her at the dark TV as she gathered the courage to say what she needed to say.

“When this is all over, I’m going to quit being a spy,” Ana said instead, surprising herself. It shouldn’t have been so hard to tell him. When it came to difficult subjects, she was never one to shy away from them. Breaking up with Veronica and Connor hadn’t been easy necessarily but it was way easier than telling Bucky that she was going to leave.

“What are you going to do instead?”

“I don’t know,” Ana answered, this time honestly. She finally looked over at Bucky who had leaned closer to her, not seeming so recalcitrant to be close to her. His gaze was roving over her face as he examined her expression. She tried to keep it carefully blank but couldn’t help the pain and uncertainty that slipped through.

“Have you eaten tonight?” he asked. Ana was taken a little aback by the sudden change in topic but she shook her head. “How about we eat and then, when you feel a little better, we can talk more?”

Ana couldn’t help but grin just slightly. Bucky nodded, his face still solemn, before he got up and motioned for Ana to follow him. They fell into a natural rhythm of moving around each other in the kitchen as they prepared a meal together.

A warmth filled her chest as they talked about other things and traded more stories and turned on music on Ana’s phone to sing along to. By the time they had eaten and become tired, it was nearing eleven at night.

After much debate about sleeping arrangements, they decided that Ana would stay the night on the couch as she had done in the past. Bucky had insisted that she take his bed but Ana would be damned if she made him sleep on the couch in his own apartment another night.

Bucky brought out several blankets and pillows, along with a shirt and a pair of sweatpants to ensure that she was comfortable before retiring to his own room. 

When she changed, she had to muffle a laugh. The blue shirt hung past her hips and the sweatpants were comically long. She rolled up the hems of the gray sweatpants and pulled the drawstring on them tight to make sure that they didn’t fall down in her sleep.

Ana collapsed on the couch and fell asleep quickly and quietly, her stomach full and her heart at ease. She had completely forgotten about her promise to leave and, for those few moments, something in her decided to live in ignorant bliss.

\---

Ana woke to a shout. She opened her eyes and sat up, throwing off her blankets and swaying as she stood. She looked around the dark room, the only illumination coming from a streetlight in a gap in the curtains.

Another shout. It was coming from Bucky’s room. She rushed towards his room, stumbling over her own feet and righting herself as she sped down the hall, flicking on the hall light as she went. Yanking open the door, she peered in only to see that Bucky was asleep and alone.

His covers were tangled around his legs and his chest was heaving. He was tossing his head side to side and mumbling. He was caught in the throes of a nightmare.

“Bucky,” Ana called. She stepped inside the room and walked over to his right side. He was mumbling in frantic Russian. The words were mostly unintelligible but she caught the words ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and ‘please.’ Her heart was breaking in her chest as she reached out.

“Bucky!” she called again. Her fingertips grazed the skin on his arm. He was clammy and cold despite his brow being beaded with sweat. Ana couldn’t begin to imagine the horrors he was reliving as her touch on him became firmer.

This time, she shouted his name and placed her whole hand on his arm. Everything that happened after happened in a blur.

Bucky moved with surprising speed and force, his eyes snapping open and sitting up quickly. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, batting Ana’s hand away with one arm while his metal arm reached out. The strong appendage gripped onto Ana’s throat, squeezing and lifting.

Bucky’s eyes stared into Ana’s without seeing as he lifted her up by her neck, her feet no longer touching the ground. Her hands slapped at Bucky’s arm as she tried to speak, to get him to recognize that it was her. Her vision was growing blurry, both with tears and from a lack of oxygen.

Her blood pounded in her ears and everything was turning fuzzy. Bucky blinked once, twice, three times, and the mask of rage and terror faded. Abject horror came over his face instead as he dropped Ana.

She crumpled to the ground and tried to draw in air, wheezing and coughing and gagging. One of her hands went to her throat and felt the tender skin there. The other reached up to grab at Bucky. She fisted her hand in the hem of his t-shirt, silently begging him to not move, unable to look up at him as she tried to breathe again.

“Oh, god,” Bucky said softly. He knelt down in front of her but didn’t touch her. She let go of his shirt, bracing her hand on the carpeted floor. Through her own tears that were streaming down her cheeks, Ana could see that Bucky was on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry, Ana. Ana… please, are you okay?”

Ana nodded as she kept rasping in breaths, trying to slow her heart rate, and she reached out again. Bucky flinched and edged backwards. She let her hand fall slowly.

“Bucky, I’m okay, I promise,” Ana said. She saw him flinch again at the hoarse sound of her voice. He averted his gaze from her, completely and totally ashamed, before standing and leaving the room. Ana stumbled up and walked out after him.

He had gathered the clothes she’d left on the coffee table. He unplugged her phone from where it was charging and scooped up her shoes, placing them all in one pile at the end of the couch.

“What are you-”

“You should go,” Bucky interrupted. Ana let her hand fall from her throat and she stood up straighter as Bucky started towards the hallway.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said as indignantly as possible. She dashed to stand in front of him and she stopped short of her. His expression was carefully guarded but Ana could still see the pain there. “Talk to me,” she demanded.

He ducked around her instead, ignoring her as she called his name. He turned to his right and entered his bedroom without a second glance. Ana rushed up but Bucky simply shut the door in her face. She heard a small click that signified he’d locked the door.

“Bucky, please. Just talk to me!” Ana called desperately. Silence. Ana was suddenly seized by frustration and anger. She wanted to pound on the door and not stop until he opened it. She wanted to shout at him. She wanted to punch a pillow until it split under her fists.

She wasn’t angry at him. Not at all. She was angry with HYDRA and what they had done to him. She was angry at those who had hurt him so badly.

Not knowing if he would hear her or pay attention to what she had to say, Ana stepped forwards a little bit, placing a hand on the door. She took a few deep breaths, her throat still burning, and began to speak.

“Bucky… I know that you’re afraid of hurting me. And I know that what just happened was a nightmare for you. But I’ve never been scared of you and I know that you would never do anything to hurt me. It was an accident.” Tears had sprung to Ana’s eyes again. She wanted to say this to his face, not to a door.

“If you really want me to go, then I’ll go but, please… don’t shut me out. Let me help. Let me-” Her breath hitched with a sob that she swallowed. “Let me be here for you.”

No response. Ana closed her eyes and thumped her forehead lightly against the door, exhaling softly.

She turned and took a couple of steps down the hall and into the living room before she heard the bedroom door open. Ana whirled around to see that Bucky had exited his bedroom. He padded over to her and stopped just short of her. 

He glanced down at her throat where she was sure that a bruise was already forming before looking back up into her eyes. The pain that he held in his gaze made a lump form in Ana’s throat.

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. His voice was uneven and shaky.

“I forgive you,” Ana answered immediately.

“I don’t deserve it.” A fresh wave of tears threatened to overwhelm her but she tried to keep her cool for Bucky’s sake. She could cry about this later; he needed her to be strong now.

“You deserve it more than anyone,” she said. Bucky’s blue eyes flicked over her face, searching for any sign that she was going to leave him and never return. Where it had been her decision before, she knew that she couldn’t leave now. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to leave and the thought didn’t scare her this time.

Ever so slowly, Bucky lifted his left hand and placed it on Ana’s cheek, light as a feather. She grabbed onto his hand and nestled into his touch. She could feel the tension begin to leave her shoulders and her heart rate slow. He was always such a calming presence for her and, even with the incident, she couldn’t get herself to think of him in any other way.

With her simple gesture, something in Bucky seemed to break. The tears that had been glistening in his eyes finally flowed over. Ana pulled him forwards and he buried his face in her neck. They wrapped their arms around each other and held each other for what felt like hours.

When the tears subsided, Bucky leaned back from her and wiped at his face.

“Stay with me?” he asked, his voice still a little unsure.

“Of course,” Ana replied as she gave him a reassuring soft grin. She wound her fingers through his metal ones and gripped on lightly, gazing for a moment where her pale skin met the black and gold of his hand. His arm was beautiful and Ana couldn’t think of anything that would make her think otherwise.

They clambered into Bucky’s bed, Ana pulling the comforter up to cover them. Bucky wrapped his arms around Ana as he pulled her close and buried his nose in her hair. She nestled her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of his soap, laundry detergent, and something that was just uniquely him.

The rhythm of Bucky’s breathing and the sound of his heartbeat lulled Ana into a heavy, dreamless sleep that she only woke from once. She woke to kick the covers halfway down her body and to chuckle a little bit; his supersoldier nature made him a bit of a space heater and he was quickly causing Ana to overheat under the comforter.

In her brief time of waking, she leaned back to look at Bucky who was still sleeping heavily. His face was placid, his brow unwrinkled and his mouth soft. Ana grinned softly before tucking her head back into his neck and closing her eyes, letting him wash over her and drifting off into sleep once more.


End file.
